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How to Treat a Girl

Three Methods:Showing Your AffectionSpeaking Like a GentlemanAvoiding Common Pitfalls

So you've got this wonderful girl in your life and you want to treat her in the way she deserves? It's not that hard! The key is to treat her like a regular human being. Treat her with respect, just like you would with anyone else.

Method 1
Showing Your Affection

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    Do things to make her happy. Treat your girl right by doing things to make her happy. Don't do these things expecting favors in return or because you want something from her. Instead, do them because you think she deserves them and because you really want her to be happy. She can tell the difference between things you do to get what you want and things you do because you love her.
    • For example, you can turn the tables and learn how to crochet, just to make her a scarf for once.
    • You should try to do things that make her happy based on things that she cares about and that matter to her. If she's a huge rock climbing fan, for example, make a special custom pouch for her chalk.
    • Be polite. Some women expect you to hold open doors for them and pull out their chair. Some women will be offended by this behavior. You’ll have to work out with your girl what she wants from you but some basic politeness is always in order. Don’t burp or fart around her. Give her an arm to lean on when she’s walking in high heels. Help her carry things when her arms are full or the items are heavy. This is basic politeness and the same sort of thing that you should do for anyone, not just women.
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    Make time for her. Relationships mean being together. If you're not willing to make time for her in your day then what does that tell her. Set aside time in your week for going on a date, even if it's free and low-key. Text her and spend some time talking to her on the phone. She should be high enough in your priorities that you're willing to break a date with your friends in order to go to a movie with her.
    • While you should make her feel like she gets 1-on-1 time with you, you can also help her to feel like you're paying attention to her by taking her with you to hang out with your friends. As long as you're affectionate even when you're around other people, she'll usually still come away feeling like she got some good time in with you.
    • Of course, it’s important for her to have alone time to. Her independence is very important. Don’t take up all of her time and make sure that she is able to hang out with her friends and do things with them regularly.
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    Encourage her to pursue things that make her happy. You should encourage her to do the things that make her happy. This is one of the most important roles in a relationship: we give each other support and make each other better people. When you do this for her, by showing her how important it is to chase her dreams, you'll really be treating her right.
    • For example, maybe she's mentioned how much she likes to write songs for herself. Encourage her to set up a YouTube channel so that she can share those wonderful songs with the world.
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    Think about her. When you open yourself up to thinking about her, it will show and make her feel really good and loved. Let things remind you of her, think of her when you hear about events she might enjoy, and enjoy remembering things that you've done together. When you do these things, it will often show in little ways that she will notice.
    • For example, you'll be walking down the street and see a picture in a shop that reminds you of that one time you went to the beach together. Buy her the picture and give it to her, telling her what it reminded you of and how good it made you feel. She'll just melt.
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    Take an interest in her feelings, thoughts and opinions. When you take an interest in her feelings, thoughts, and opinions, it will make her feel respected and appreciated. This is a good way to treat a girl, making her happy and grateful for the relationship that she has with you.
    • Ask her what she thinks about things. Not just what she thinks about broad topics like music or television, but also ask about how she feels about current events, politics, and the things going on in your lives. This will help her to feel respected. The same goes for asking her opinion on problems you have in your own life.
    • Pay attention to her feelings and learn how to tell when she's upset, tired, angry or happy. Once you recognize these feelings, support her when she needs it and let her talk about things that make her happy or excited. Comfort her when she's sad, even if it means just being a silent shoulder to cry on. You can say something like, "You seem like you're having a tough time. I don't know what's bothering you but I hope you know that I'm here to listen if you want to talk."
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    Appreciate the things she does for you. Taking someone that you love for granted is really easy. However, this can really ruin relationships. No matter if you've been together for five months or five years, you should never assume that someone "should" do something for you. When she does something nice for you, thank her. Never expect things from her and show your gratitude when she does do nice things.
    • For example, let's say that she makes you dinner. Don't just complain about how it tastes. Instead, thank her and offer to clean up the dishes.

Method 2
Speaking Like a Gentleman

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    Speak with respect. When you talk to her, speak with respect. You should never rudely criticize her or say things which are demeaning. Just like it wouldn't be acceptable for someone to say these things to you, it's not acceptable for you to say those things to her.[1] Try to think not only about how you'd feel if someone said something to you but also think about how her own experiences might lead her to feel about what you said.
    • For example, only call her a girl if she is one. Is your girl older than, say, 20 years old? At that point you should be calling her a woman or a lady. When you call her girl, you're making her seem like a child, implying that she can't do things for herself, think, or act like the capable adult she is.
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    Understand her. Get to really know her for who she really is, not just what you think she is or want her to be. Ask questions about her. Dig deep. Take an interest in what she says, what she does, and what she wants. She'll notice that you do these things and it will show her that not only do you care about her but that you also respect who she is as a person.
    • Ask questions about her religion, her political views, what it was like for her growing up, what she wants for the future.
    • You can also ask the usual questions like her favorite color or food, but these kinds of things need to be balanced out with a deeper understanding of who she is.
    • Listen to what she says. When she talks, you should be listening. Don't tune her out because she "talks too much". Pay attention because you might learn things about her that you didn't know before.[2]
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    Have a discussion when you have problems. Instead of fighting and insulting each other when you have a fight, talk things out. If you really want to treat both her and yourself right, talk about things that bother you when they happen or very soon afterward. Bottling things up and "keeping score" will just make both of you miserable.
    • You also shouldn't talk behind her back. A lot of the time it's easier to complain about your girlfriend to everyone but your girlfriend but this isn't fair to her and it isn't helpful for you. Solve the problem instead by talking to her calmly and finding a solution together.
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    Compliment her in the right ways. Of course you should give your girl lots of compliments but if you really want to treat her the way she deserves to be treated, you might want to pay attention to how you give those compliments. With a little understanding, you will be giving great compliments that make her heart just beat off the chart.
    • You don't want to give them out all the time for no reason at all because it will devalue them.
    • You should focus on complimenting her when it matters, such as when she works really hard or does something really kind.
    • You should also watch the language that you use. Sometimes, even though a guy means to say something nice, he accidentally says something that is hurtful.
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    Watch what you say. You have to be careful about how you talk because it can reveal a lot about how you think and also make the woman you’re with very uncomfortable. Don’t be vulgar, make off-color jokes, or be deliberately impolite (like farting in front of her). You also don’t want to talk rudely about people or talk about how sexy other women are. All of these things may make her feel uncomfortable or hurt and you don’t want that.
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    Generally be truthful but lie smart when you have to. When you talk to her, be truthful. Lying to her, even to be kind, isn't helpful and it won't help you to build a relationship of trust. Don't tell her you'll be helping your sick grandma when really you just don't want to go see a chic flick with her. This kind of behavior is disrespectful and sets a bad precedent. When you know that telling her the truth is going to be not only painful but also unproductive or unhelpful, try to lie by omission instead.
    • If she asks you something like the proverbial "Does this make me look fat?" question, then instead of saying something inevitably hurtful, turn the statement around and tell her a truth. You can say something like, "I love the way that dress makes your body look but I think the yellow dress was way prettier overall."

Method 3
Avoiding Common Pitfalls

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    Don't see her as being any different than yourself. It's easy to think of girls like a different species and think that you don't understand them. However, girls really aren't any different than you. They want the same things, they have the same problems, and they have the same feelings.[3] When you realize that, it will be much easier to realize how you should treat them: treat them how you would want to be treated.
    • If it's easier, think of how you would want someone to treat a woman that you love. Treat a girl the way you'd want your dad to treat your mom. Treat a girl the way you'd want a guy to treat your sister.
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    Stop trying to attract other women. You want to look fly all the time. That's understandable. Who wouldn't want all the ladies to fall over themselves whenever they walk through a room? However, if you already have a girlfriend or a girl you like, working really hard to attract other women is disrespectful and rude to your girl. Just worry about looking hot to her and don't worry so much about what other women like.
    • For example, you shouldn't be flirting with a girl that isn't your girlfriend. You also shouldn't be showing off your body to other women.
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    Listen when she says no. When she says "no" it doesn't mean "maybe later". It doesn't mean "I'm being coy". It doesn't mean "I'm trying to make you mad". It means "no". Don't continue to bother her after she's told you no. She knows what you want and she'll let you know if she changes her mind.
    • For example, if you ask her to wear a particular item of clothing and she doesn't like it, don't keep pressuring her to wear it.
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    Respect her privacy. She's allowed to have secrets from you, just like you're allowed to have secrets from her. You're both entitled to have time to yourselves and things that are just yours. Do not invade her privacy by doing things like stalking her on Facebook or checking her text messages.
    • The temptation can be really strong if you see that she's left her internet browser logged in or something like that, but you should still resist. It's the gentlemanly thing to do.
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    Tell her how you feel. A lot of guys will worry about seeming manly. You don't want to seem weak, right? So they don't tell their girl how they feel. This is a huge mistake.[4] Leaving her to wonder how much you really care is just mean. You wouldn't like it if she did that to you, right? When you care about someone, you should always tell them. Tell them when you mean it most and show them how much you care in little ways every day.
    • Don't hide it from others either. Your bros might tease you but they really understand: they've had girls they like a lot too. Take the teasing and make your girl happy by holding her hand when other people are around. It shows her that you're not ashamed of the close relationship that the two of you share.
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    Trust her and be trustworthy yourself. Trust is the absolute most important thing in a relationship. You can't have a happy relationship if you don't trust each other.[5] This means that you need to give her the benefit of the doubt. Don't sweat it when she wants to hang out with her friends instead of hanging out with you. In your own behavior, don't do anything that would give her a reason not to trust you.
    • Don’t tell other people about the things you and your girl do behind closed doors, even if you’re just telling your best buddy. This is an invasion of privacy for your girl and can be very hurtful. All it takes is an argument with your best friend and that secret that you shared is posted on the internet for everyone to see.

Test Your Knowledge

Impress a Girl Quiz


  • Instead of hot or sexy, say that she looks beautiful. Girls like that better. And beautiful is more respectful too.
  • Take things slow. Don't rush into an emotional or physical attachment just because you think you should.
  • Put yourself in her place and treat her accordingly. In other words, how would you wish to be treated, if you were her?
  • If she's upset or angry, let her vent her feelings towards you. Talk about her problems, but don't try to take over and fix everything. You could end up making things worse for her. While she needs to handle her problem herself, if you allow her to talk it over with you, it will make her realize that you care for her. She will appreciate it, and if she goes through even more rough times, she'll know who to talk to. This will build up trust and loyalty between the two of you.
  • Make sure you are yourself and if she doesn't like that there is no point of faking yourself for her to like you. Act as you would normally do.
  • Opening doors and pulling out chairs for the girl is not old fashioned and square, it's sweet! Any girl likes a boy who will treat her well, one who is not afraid to be sweet to her.
  • While most young women aren't overly analyzing things, once you start dating, she's appraising you: what you do, how you dress, dates you take them on, and lots of other things. Take this into account and dress for the situation, as a good balance will keep her impressed. There's no point in dressing to impress, then being cheap about where you take her. It's like going to a nice restaurant in a tracksuit.
  • Treat her with the same respect you would to your future wife. (If you plan on getting married - some people don't. Still, treating her with respect is never a mistake.)
  • Pay careful attention to your manners at all times.
  • Hold her hand, especially if you catch her dangling it surreptitiously behind her. But be careful not to be clingy. Not all girls love the "togetherness" feeling of holding hands, just like not all the boys are the same.
  • Taking her to places that cost lots of money isn't necessary. Take her to the park, maybe buy ice cream on the way; that way you interact with her. If you do go to the movies, plan on going for coffee or dessert after (which means a light dinner, and less expense - bonus!) so that you can talk about what you just saw.
  • Hold her close to you, and be gentle when it's necessary.
  • Arrogant men don't get all the girls, confident guys do, and there's a huge difference. Women are less visually-oriented than men are, so even if you're not the most attractive guy in the world, your confidence will suggest that you're someone worth being with, and your personality will back up that suggestion. Plus, if you are kind and warm when interacting with her and with others, she will see your value without your needing to have movie-star good looks. Just act and dress like a gentleman, and everything should be sweet.
  • Show that you are impressed by her, but don't forget to impress her with something different every so often. Show that you can be different and sometimes crazy about life. Show her something that only you have.
  • Don't swear excessively or be crude. If you act immaturely, she is less likely to enjoy your company.
  • If she is trying to do a new sport/hobby/activity, and you already know how to do it, show her how. She will appreciate your chivalry, and be impressed by your skill.
  • Do not lie! It's pointless and she WILL find out. Just be yourself. If you lie, it will haunt you until you tell the truth!
  • Look her directly in the eyes when you speak to her or when she is speaking to you. But don't be creepy about it. Staring is not considered attentiveness; it's considered weird.
  • If your at the end of your date, tell her how much fun you had. If she giggles and then responds, then she probably had fun too. If not and changes the subject then it's probably a good idea not to ask her out for a while.
  • Remember to always compliment her. Just because you're going out doesn't mean she can't change her mind if she thinks you've forgotten her.
  • Remember: no matter how hard you're working to Get The Girl, it's all but guaranteed that she is trying just as hard to find Mr. Right. A girl isn't that mystifying or distant of a creature, and she wants to love and be loved just as much as you do.
  • Do not be scared she is a girl and if she likes you you will know it.
  • When she is going to take on a challenge, take interest in what she is doing, and wish her good luck. Or maybe even explore this challenge with her? Make it interesting.
  • Listen to the things she likes to do, and maybe try them out for yourself.
  • When you are at a restaurant, sit across from her at the table (unless the table is really long, in which case you should sit next to her). Allow her to sit facing the room, while you face the wall. This way you give the impression that you require no view other than her beauty.
  • Avoid the temptation to idolize her or put her on a pedestal. She is as human as you are, and the more willing you are to accept that, the less likely she is to disappoint you.
  • Calling her hot or sexy is flattering, but try also to call her beautiful because it means so much more.


  • If she tells you about a personal problem, don't make it your mission to take over and fix things. Just listen to her. (There are a few exceptions.) If she starts to cry, this is a big clue that she's really into you; it indicates that she trusts you enough to show she's vulnerable with you. A nice gesture here is to put your arms around her and just hold her. Don't say "Don't cry." Say, "Aww. It's going to be okay." At this point, while you don't want to try to take over, you can ask, "Can I help?" - let her answer with "No," or with "Yes, you could just hold me," or whatever, and then take it from there.
  • Don't get too carried away! Girls don't want you to go on with some story that is nothing to do with the conversation.
  • Do NOT take her for granted! She won't always take your crap, there's always that chance that she will discover that she deserves better.
  • If something scary or shocking happens to her while you're on a date, such as a zoo robot that appears broken suddenly moves, and stuns her, try to comfort her. Make sure she's close. It'll make her feel protected. Girls love to know their boyfriend has the ability to protect them.
  • Don't turn cute, sweet talk into dirty talk. Girls hate that.
  • Don't EVER lie to her, ever. If you do she will automatically lose trust in you.
  • Make sure you're being yourself. If you act like a gentleman when you are alone with her, and then like a jerk when you're with your friends, she will catch on and you will run into trouble.
  • If you exaggerate your compliments or are insincere, a girl can usually see through that.
  • Using words or phrases she won't understand can cause her to feel uncomfortable. For example, let's say you're a computer tech and all of the people you work with use "Computer Geek-Speak" to amuse yourselves around the office. Calling her a "n00b" isn't going to help anything! Similarly, using slang you and your co-workers invented will make her feel confused and on the outside - don't use "in-jokes". In other words, if you've developed a kind of "club" or an inside joke type of slang, she won't understand or appreciate the humor. Make sure you either clue her in and bring her to the "inside" so she can understand what you're saying, or just don't use that slang or those jokes when with her.
  • Make sure she doesn't find out you tried to learn how to make her laugh by reading articles on the Internet, at least not until your one-year anniversary. By then, she's definitely into you and minor things like that won't hurt, though it may earn you a lot of teasing.
  • There are several things that can spook a girl on a date. It's odd, but they'll appear more vulnerable during dates. It's probably to get closer to you.

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