How to Tell Your Parents You Are Becoming a Satanist

Three Parts:Preparing for the ConversationExplaining SatanismMoving Forward After the Discussion

Satanism can refer to a variety of belief systems, ranging from those who follow the writings of Anton LaVey to those who dabble in the occult. However, commonality between belief systems exists. Most Satanists do not belief in a supernatural deity in a literal sense. They also believe rationality, science, and learning are important to human progress and should remain unrestricted. Satanism rarely refers to actual devil-worship.[1] If you've become a Satanist, telling your parents can be difficult. There are many misconceptions about Satanism, so you'll want to have a calm, sit down conversation where you outline your belief system. Take some time to prepare for the conversation. Then, explain Satanism calmly to your parents. Moving forward, strive for mutual respect of the differing belief systems between you and your parents.

Part 1
Preparing for the Conversation

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    Weigh the risks of telling your parents about Satanism. It may not be the best idea to tell your parents about becoming a Satanist. If you still live at home, and your parents are strict or very religious, it may be a good idea to wait. Try to consider how your parents may react, and whether or not the conversation needs to happen now.[2]
    • Honesty is generally good for most relationships. It can create less tension and promote an open dialogue between you and your parents. If you and your parents have a generally open relationship, it may not be a problem to tell them you're becoming a Satanist.
    • However, in the case of religious differences, being honest may create unnecessary strife. Consider how strict your parents are regarding religion specifically. If you're still living at home, and your parents are very stringent in their beliefs, coming out as a Satanist can create a tense home environment. In some cases, your parents may even kick you out if they find out you're a Satanist. You may want to wait until you've moved out to talk to your parents and practice in private until then.
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    Accept that you'll be anxious. It is very normal to experience feelings of anxiety and apprehension when having any difficult conversation. You will probably go into the conversation with a sense of unease. Instead of pushing such feelings away, allow yourself to experience them. If you accept anxiety ahead of time, you will be better emotionally prepared for the conversation itself.[3]
    • Try to engage in relaxing exercises. Practice deep breathing or do some yoga stretches. Go for a long walk to clear your mind.
    • Reframe how you're thinking about the conversation. Instead of focusing on the potential fall out, try to see things from a more positive perspective. Think of this as you being open with your parents. Consider the benefits of having an open dialogue in your home. Try to look at the conversation as an exciting challenge rather than a burden.
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    Plan what you want to say ahead of time. Telling your parents about becoming a Satanist can be difficult. There are many misconceptions about what Satanism is, and many people assume Satanists worship the devil or engage in witchcraft. In order to help you stay on track during the conversation, plan ahead. Think about what you want to say before beginning the talk.[4]
    • Prepare a few phrases explaining Satanism, as well as the factors that inspired you to convert. You may want to jot your thoughts down and then look through these notes. Try to find the best way to phrase your feelings.
    • Avoid over planning, however. Allow for some flexibility. If you plan a speech too specifically, you risk going into the conversation with stringent expectations of how it will unfold. You need to be prepared to let the conversation happen naturally.
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    Find the right time and place to talk. Where and when you talk can be as important as the conversation itself. You want to find a time where both you and your parents are free. Plan to talk in a space without outside distractions.[5]
    • As difficult conversations occasionally run over, choose a time where both you and your parents are free. Choose an early weekday evening, for example, where neither you nor your parents have plans or obligations.
    • Choose the right place to talk. As the conversation may be heated, a neutral setting may be a good idea. You can go to a quiet coffee shop, for example. Avoid outside distractions. Leave your phone powered off or on silent during the conversation.
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    Consider your family's religious beliefs. Going into the conversation, think about your family's belief system. This can help you gauge and prepare for the potential reaction. If your parents are very Christian or otherwise religious, they may have preconceived notions about Satanism. However, if your parents are generally non-judgmental about their beliefs, the conversation may run smoothly.
    • Do not assume parents who are irreligious, atheist, or agnostic will not be wary of Satanism. Due to the many misconceptions about the belief system, they may have reservations as well. This is why it's a good idea to prepare ahead of time to make sure you know how to explain Satanism effectively.
    • Even if your parents are not angry, some parents may not take Satanism seriously. Nonreligious parents especially may be more inclined to think of Satanism as a trend or fad than a legitimate belief system. With calm conversation, you may eventually get them to better understand your beliefs. It's a good idea to be prepared for laughter or mockery on behalf of your parents. If you see this coming, you'll be able to better handle your emotional reaction when it occurs.

Part 2
Explaining Satanism

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    Explain the difference between Satanism and devil worship. When your parents hear the word "Satanist," they may immediately assume Satanism is on par with devil worship. Calmly explain to your parents that most Satanists do not believe in supernatural deities, and the concept of Satan is mostly metaphorical. This may ease a lot of your parents' concerns.[6]
    • Explain that Satanists believe fantasies are important to experiencing and making sense of the human condition. Symbolism and metaphor allow people to build meaning. To Satanists, Satan represents embracing worldly pleasures over supernatural deities and abstract beliefs. It also signifies an acceptance that there is little inherent meaning in the universe.
    • It can be helpful to tell your parents many Satanists feel they are essentially atheists in many respects. The meaning of the term atheism is more readily understood, and may be helpful to use when explaining Satanism to your parents. Explain Satanists do not literally attempt to raise the devil, and any connection felt with Satan is an extension of the self. Satan is more of an alter-ego for Satanists than a literal entity that is worshipped.
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    Outline the belief system behind Satanism. Many people are surprised to find Satanists do not, by nature, believe in evil or cruelty. Satanism is more of a call for rationality and personal accountability than a tendency towards negativity. Tell your parents about some of the belief systems behind Satanism to help them see its positive aspects.[7]
    • Explain that satanists believe in personal accountability over adherence to strict religious doctrine. Tell your parents the identification with Satan is metaphorical and marks a rejection of traditional beliefs. Satanists believe in questioning all teachings and taking responsibility for their own decisions.
    • Reassure your parents satanists generally believe in doing good in the world and towards others. However, Satanists believe goodness is a choice. They believe the universe is neither good nor bad, but indifferent. They also reject the idea of a soul or a spiritual side. Satanists identify as completely carnal in nature.
    • Due to the emphasis on independent thought, Satanists believe many different things and choose the path of Satanism for different reasons. Tell your parents about your personal beliefs regarding Satanism, and the reason you're becoming a Satanist.
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    Listen as much as you talk. The conversation may get heated, especially if your parents are opposed to you becoming a Satanist. While it can be frustrated to feel your beliefs are being attacked, try to listen. Make a conscious effort to listen at least as much as you talk during your conversation. Allow your parents to vent their frustrations or concerns. While you may not agree, remember the point is to understand. The more your understand your parents' perspective, the better chance you have of addressing their concerns and explaining your side.[8]
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    Use "I"-statements. "I"-statements are statements phrased in a way that allow you to take accountability for your feelings. Instead of forcing objective judgment on a situation, you're expressing how another person's actions made you feel. Using "I"-statements can be helpful as they reduce feelings of hostility and blame.[9]
    • An "I"-statement has three parts. It begins with "I feel...", after which you immediately state your emotion. From there, you would state the behavior that caused that emotion. Lastly, you explain why you feel the way you do.
    • For example, say you become frustrated during the conversation at one point. You may be tempted to say, "You guys are really judging me and pushing your belief systems on me without listening to my side." This statement comes off as both hostile and judgmental and will likely do very little to help resolve the situation.
    • You can easily rephrase the above sentiment using an "I"-statement. Say something like, "I feel judged when you keep bringing up your own religion without letting me talk because this makes me feel like you're not listening to my side."
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    Respond respectfully to resistance. You will likely get some resistance during the conversation. Your parents may disagree with your beliefs or fail to understand them fully. Try to stay patient and meet resistance respectfully.[10]
    • Reassure your parents you do respect their beliefs. If they raised you in a certain religious background, they may feel rejected by you choosing Satanism. Tell your parents you appreciate them exposing you to their faith, even if you no longer follow it.
    • If you have any reading materials on Satanism, recommend them to your parents. Allow them to explore the belief system on their own time. They may come around eventually.
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    Express what you want from the conversation. You should make it clear, at some point in the conversation, what you hope to gain. Consider what you really want from the conversation, and think of concrete ways to move forward.[11]
    • Tell your parents what you want. Maybe you just want them to respect your wishes. However, you may want active support and investment. You may want your parents to learn about Satanism, and encourage your interests.
    • Be clear about how you want to move forward. You can say something like, "I hope you better understand me from this conversation. Moving forward, I hope you can accept my beliefs and not try to change me."
    • You may have to compromise. Your parents may, for example, agree to avoid trying to change your mind. However, they may be wary to openly support or encourage your beliefs. While this can be disheartening, remember feelings change with time. If you did not get the perfect response this time around, you may get a better response in the future.

Part 3
Moving Forward After the Discussion

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    Establish boundaries. After you've had the talk, you'll need think about what boundaries you want between you and your parents. Think about how and when religion will be a topic for you and your parents.
    • When it comes to religion, should the topic be strictly off the table at family events? Would you rather be able to share your religious experiences with one another openly? Are you okay with your parents asking you questions about your beliefs, as long as they do so in a respectful manner?
    • Set clear boundaries regarding how faith with be discussed and approached between you and your parents.
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    Strive for mutual respect. Mutual respect is very important when it comes to religion and personal belief. It may take awhile to figure out how to navigate your differences. Find concrete ways you and your parents can respect one another. For example, you could agree to attend church on special occasions, like religious holidays, as it's important to your parents to go as a family. In turn, your parents could agree to not push you to attend church each Sunday.[12]
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    Stand by your beliefs. You may face some resistance becoming a Satanist. If the belief system is important to you, do not compromise. You are entitled to have your own beliefs and opinions, regardless of your parents wishes. If your parents try to change your mind, respectfully tell them you've made your decision.
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    Search for common ground. When it comes to navigating religious differences, finding common ground can be very helpful. Have your parents make a list of their religion's belief systems. Make a list of your beliefs as a Satanist. Compare notes. You may be surprised what you find in common.[13]
    • After examining the list, approach your parents and tell them you want to find common ground. You could say something like, "As Catholics, you and dad believe in the Golden Rule. Satanists also believe in that rule. The only difference is, we believe in doing it for ourselves rather than a higher power. However, it's fundamentally the same thing."
    • Your parents may be comforted to find how much Satanism has in common with other religious beliefs. This may help smooth over misconceptions and allow your parents to accept you for who you are.


  • Talk to other Satanists you're close to and ask about how they told their family about their beliefs. They may be able to offer you advice on how to best handle the situation.
  • Remind your parents not to panic. Make it clear Satanism does not constitute literal worship of the Christian devil.

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Categories: Religion