How to Talk to a Girl over the Phone

Two Parts:Working Up the Nerve to CallGetting Through a Phone Conversation Stress-Free

Talking to a girl on the phone can be nerve-racking, especially if she's someone you've got "a thing" for! Not to worry - girls are human beings too, and, with the right attitude, you can have a great time talking to them on the phone. Whether you plan on talking to your secret crush or just a friend, knowing how to talk to girls on the phone is a skill that will be useful for the rest of your life. See Step 1 below to get started!

Part 1
Working Up the Nerve to Call

  1. Image titled Talk to a Girl over the Phone Step 1
    Make sure you have a reason to call. Nothing's worse that having to fumble for a sense of purpose while you're on the phone with a girl - figure out why you're calling before you even pick up the receiver. You may already have some reason to call - if so, go with this. Don't lie about your reason for calling to seem cooler.
    • If, on the other hand, you don't have a compelling reason to call, give yourself one. For example, ask for help on a homework assignment or an upcoming project.
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    Have a few ideas of what to talk about beforehand. Most conversations never go according to plan, so you won't, for instance, want to write up a long list of questions to ask. If you do, you'll probably end up trying to "force" these things into the conversation, leading to an awkward, stilted call. Just make sure you know the general things you'll need to discuss beforehand - key details you might need to mention, questions you might need to ask, and so on.
    • For example, if you want to ask this girl to the movies, you should know to ask where you're going to meet, at what time, and what you're going to see. This loose outline of the conversation should be all you'll need, though it's a good idea to be open to other topics of conversation if they arise.
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    Try to mentally downplay the importance of the conversation. Take deep breaths. As impossible as it may seem, try to relax. A little more that half of the entire population of planet Earth is female - millions upon millions of boys talk to girls on the phone every day. You can do it too. You have nothing to worry about. When you think you're ready, take just a few moments to "cool down", then pick up the phone.
    • Truthfully, even if you're asking a girl out, there's not much at stake here, so try not to get too nervous. The absolute worst you'll get is a "no". If you're not asking a girl out and just need to talk to her for some other reason (like school or work), you have nothing at all to worry about.
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    Call without hesitation. The longer you wait to call, the longer you have to think about every possible way your call might go wrong. If you're nervous, don't give yourself the chance to psych yourself out. As soon as you figure out your game plan, pick up the phone and dial the girl's number - try not to think about it as you're doing it.
    • Believe it or not, past a certain point, thinking about the conversation you're about to have can be counterproductive. So just get to it! You'll sound more relaxed and natural on the phone if you haven't just agonized over every possible outcome the conversation might have.

Part 2
Getting Through a Phone Conversation Stress-Free

  1. Image titled Talk to a Girl over the Phone Step 5
    Greet her warmly. When the girl you're calling picks up (or gets passed the phone), say hello, introduce yourself, and say why you're calling. Be friendly at this point - you have nothing to lose by doing so. If she reciprocates your friendliness, keep it up!
    • If this is someone you know, it's usually also acceptable to ask her how her day was at the beginning of the conversation.
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    Get to the point. You usually won't want to dally too long with small talk at the beginning of a phone conversation - this can get old fairly fast and backfire on you, leaving her confused as to why you're actually calling. After your initial pleasantries, get down to business - explain why you called and, if necessary, ask her any pertinent questions that are needed to make the phone call a success.
    • For instance, if you're asking her to the movies, you'll want to get this out of the way fairly quickly. If you chat for half an hour and only then ask her, she may get the impression that you're only asking her as an after thought. When you call, say hi, ask how she's doing, and, if the opportunity presents itself, talk for a little bit about something that's mutually interesting, but try to ask her within the first few minutes.
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    Stay calm. Some girls may find it cute when a boy gets nervous and flustered on the phone, but you may not want to count on this, because other girls, who aren't great at judging people's emotions over the phone, may get frustrated or feel that you're wasting their time. Try to talk slowly and calmly - don't rush your words.
    • Remember, the girl you're talking to is a human being. For all you know, she may be just as nervous of talking on the phone as you are. Never assume the girl you're talking to is some sort of perfect conversationalist and that if you're not "good enough" on the phone, you'll somehow offend her. Just do your best! Any reasonable girl will meet you halfway.
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    Listen. Conversations are two-way interactions - the way you don't talk is just as important as the way you talk. Give the girl you're talking to plenty of chances to speak - don't just talk non-stop the entire conversation. When she speaks, listen. Generally, you shouldn't interrupt her while she talks, though, if she goes on for a while, you can show you're still listening by saying "yeah?", "uh huh?", and so on as she talks.
    • Another great way to show you're listening is to repeat back things that your conversation partner just said in the form of a question. For example, if she says "I don't like the substitute teacher. He smells like moth balls", you can say "He smells like moth balls?" to show you're listening and to give her an opportunity to keep talking.
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    If you get the chance to chat, ask lots of questions. Though every girl is different, as a general rule, most people like to talk about themselves. So, if your conversation naturally continues after you've gotten your business out of the way, feel free to keep talking. If you hit a lull, ask questions to jump start the conversation.
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    End the call gracefully. When you reach a lull in the conversation and you don't have anything to say, it's perfectly acceptable to end the call - don't feel like you have to keep it going any longer than feels natural. Simply say something to the effect of "Well, I should probably go - I have things to do. This has been fun talking to you", give her a chance to respond, say your goodbyes, and hang up. That's it - you've just survived a phone call with a girl!


  • Listen to what she has to say.
  • Be funny. Just try to find aspects of stuff that's funny and say it. You can tease her, but know there is a certain limit.
  • Speak clearly and slowly.
  • Don't ask too many questions, but don't ask too little questions either.


  • Never be mean or rude.

Things You'll Need

  • a phone
  • conversation starters

Article Info

Categories: Phone Skills