How to Not Fall in Love With Someone

There are many reasons why you might choose to opt out of falling in love. You can save yourself a lot of heartache, minimize problems in your life and prevent damage to other lives by using emotional risk aversion tactics.


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    Know what you like. Remind yourself that there will be many appropriate occasions for you to find the one person that will be right for you. Recognize what makes you attracted to a person. Make a list of what you really want in a love interest and what turn offs you absolutely can not live with. Do not even consider anyone who is in a current relationship and expect to encounter those in unhappy, but committed relationships. It is too problematic.
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    Avoid people who share personal information. This is especially important if the personal information stirs deep feelings in you. Bonds start from relating to each other through empathy and if you allow this process to start, you might be sucked into a relationship. If you both have made the mistake of sharing personal issues, gender role expectations, relationship philosophies or built a dependency it is important to not fall victim to seduction.
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    Tone down your body language. Make sure you don't use gestures that express grace, sensuality and charm. Avoid eating and drinking near that person. There are some things that will be attractive about you that you should not have to change. Don't feel guilty about your nice personality, your pleasant voice nor your good taste in perfume and clothing.
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    Bond with other people. Make new friends you feel attracted to and others who you don't feel attracted to. Try not to discuss the difficulty or ease of this step with your crush because you will make that person feel jealousy and a romantic type of pity.
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    Use the buddy system. Passion slows down in love triangles, so look for someone you like as just a friend to accompany you when you need to talk to that person.
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    Don't fantasize about the person. Daydreams can be very refreshing, but in this case, it can be moving against your wishes.
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    Don't praise the person. Making someone's ego inflate will probably make you seem more beautiful.
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    Don't be that person's psychiatrist. If that person needs someone to talk to, then they need to find someone else. It is a treacherous slope when you start talking about feelings and inner desires.
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    Activate that person's conscience. If that person becomes flirty, then take a moment to carefully mention moral convictions using key words like marriage, girlfriend, boyfriend, children, God or work ethics.
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    Don't accept gifts, services, touch, money nor favors from the person. Don't give them either.
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    Learn to say no with authority, not passion. If that person wants closeness with you, then say no to any request whether innocent or dishonest. Sometimes, by them getting you upset or jealous, that person can open your vulnerabilities and feelings. Put a serious look on your face if you feel provoked and don't buckle under pressure. Stay cool, show your manners and maintain a good disposition to avoid an argument.
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    Avoid or end relationships that fall into courtship patterns. You aren't in a personal relationship so keep a tally of the time you spend with that person. Try for less than four hours a week.
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    Don't let yourself build a false world inside your head. Avoid thinking about "what ifs" and playing out that scenario. Doing so primes the pump, making it easier to happen for real. For example, never imagine that a person might be in a bad relationship and needs you or that you are soul mates.
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    Don't hate the person. Love can turn to hate and hate can turn to love. It's important to take note of any obsessive thoughts and arrest the growth of these.
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    Do not focus on the individual. Instead focus anew on your interests, hobbies and cherished causes. You might have felt a mutual interest with this person, but it is your own interest that is unshareable that you must enjoy on your own. It makes you happy and you can make best use of your "alone" interest by using it to push the other person away.
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    Ease your heart. Being a humanitarian and working with people you don't have intimate feelings for is best. If you enter this activity with a potentially intimate individual, you will create a conflict of interest. So, don't fool yourself that you will be able to engage in giving good to others with a potential love interest at your side.
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    Don't raise expectations by the little acts of someone who is close to your heart. Because, by giving importance to everything she/he does for you, will awaken the want to bring that goodness to you and hold it close and with the goodness comes person. So make your feelings generic. Keep them on the surface and do not allow them to go deeper and create heartbreak.
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    Let the image of this person subside to a less intense meaning. Try not to mention this person to family and friends in a way that could remind you of your feelings. Don't believe it when other's tell you that you're in an emotional affair by distortion of facts because it will make you feel uncomfortable with yourself. Do not let a building, city or other area become that person's territory in your mind. It may seem to help to know the when not to expect this person in order to avoid contact, but it keeps this person in your mind.
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    Be Yourself. Don't let any fear or desire change your behavior. Watch your character and make polite decisions. Don't let anyone or any experience remove you out of a peaceful life. Try going back to the wisdom from authors and books that you've read since childhood to find yourself. If you were never introduced to any religion before, you might want to read sacred texts and literature from world spiritual leaders. Keep desperation, guilt and confusion away with compassion. Don't let any hard feelings turn any person into a target nor you as a mercenary.
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    Reject Paranoia. If you get a text message or e-mail filled with erotic content, don't think it's from that person. Everyone gets calls where someone hangs-up, but it's not from who you might think it is from. Try not to note how that person is bound to be having wild love affairs and secret maternity/paternity with coworkers. Those might be interesting in soap operas and classic literature, but jealousy is just a sign of wanting to be loved by that person. At any point, you can attempt a relationship or rekindle one if you've changed your mind, but don't dwell on it all day long.
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    Avoid overt stalking characteristics. Some couples recognize that they stalk each other, yet when only one person is doing the stalking, the other person can either use it as a way to get attention as a victim; or worse, the person could have serious emotional issues that could cause pain for the both of you. Simply, do not follow the person nor stalk out their usual places. Don't e-mail the person more than there are holidays in a year. If you found out the person's background information, don't go to their home nor work just to feel the satisfaction of seeing them. Don't make rude nor hang-up calls to the person nor the person's family. Since the discomfort and distaste of stalking involves having control over another, use the thought of letting that person have privacy and secrets be your motto. You might even have to be this person's confidant by avoiding facts from their lives becoming part of your disclosure.
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    Reward yourself. If you have recognized any impulse that makes you feel uncomfortable, forgive yourself and reward yourself for being motivated in controlling yourself. Even where you could expect the person to make you feel excited, substitute that with something else that can make you feel excited. Leave yourself rewarding e-mails in your inbox. Leave yourself weekend plans on your cell phone or text message them to yourself. Hide or post a wishlist, bucket list and/or a good deeds list, each time you're there, find it and remember that you earned it and make it yours as soon as possible. Find genuine enjoyment in places where you are entitled to occupy without the fear of being accused of stalking or blaming yourself of having ulterior motives to be there.
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    Relish in divine graces to fill your spirit with joy. Beautiful artwork is wonderful to fall in love with; try following the history of a painter whether alive, famous or misunderstood. Try listening to vernacular music. Enjoy the sublime words of Psalms. Look at travel footage of lovely places all over the world. Do a challenging job for someone else and glow in the reward of a good job.
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    Balance your humor style(s). Humor can often be the best solution while communicating with others, but one type helps you bond with others and another won't. If you have to use humor with someone you don't want to bond with, try self-enhancing humor, but avoid using affiliative humor. Use affiliative humor to bond with someone.


  • Keep yourself so busy that you get no time for such conversations or thoughts.
  • You can research attachment and limerence, the involuntary state of mind which results from a romantic attraction to another person combined with an overwhelming, obsessive need to have one's feelings reciprocated. You will conclude that the less you think about the person, the less severe the heartache.
  • Think of him/her as acquaintances, not a boyfriend/girlfriend or crush. Put your mind on something else and focus on that one thing. Don't pick something that might or will remind you of him/her. Remember, you got this far and you don't want to fall in love with him/her all over again. Try to keep him/her out of your mind.
  • If your intuition tells you that it's just the circumstance and not the person, then don't rush things, but let the test of time prove itself.
  • Shy away from imposing these steps on others. You can tell others about how you use these steps, but please try not to be rude nor hurtful toward others whom have their own way of life.
  • Remember that a real personal relationship has both will and desire; if it lacks either one, it's not a personal relationship. That goes for both people in the relationship.
  • It's good to remember that the eyes are the windows to the soul. Don't let that person see that your eyes dilate to them. Wearing dark-tinted glasses could help.


  • Stay human and humane. Just because you want to control your own passionate emotions, it does not entitle you to be rude, cruel, threatening, offensive, defensive nor any other negative attitude that can keep you from being charitable to someone that asks for your help or support in a concrete request that is sensible. Again, take sensible precautions that its not a cruel trick to cause you harm.
  • Don't try to control other people. Respect free will and human rights. Sometimes, pushing a person makes them rebel against you.
  • Avoid these steps if you want to fall in love with the person. Decide early and quickly between desire and the right thing to do.
  • Before you start writing love songs and creating portraits of the person, think about how romantic it is and how much better for your heart reorienting your creativity toward other things can be.
  • If you become obsessed with the person or anything else, then seek a mental health professional.

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Categories: Relationships