How to Meet Other Lesbians

Four Methods:Knowing Where to Go to Meet LesbiansMaking Sure She’s Into WomenBeing More OutgoingBeing More Approachable

Have you accepted the fact that you're a lesbian, and now want to meet other lesbians? Maybe you just want to widen your social circle. Or perhaps you’ve just relocated and don’t know any lesbians in your new area. Regardless of the reason, with a little tenacity and the right approach, you can meet other lesbians.

Method 1
Knowing Where to Go to Meet Lesbians

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    Check the local LGBT newspaper. If you live in or near a major city, this is one of the best sources for information on what is going on and where to go; in other words, when and where to meet other lesbians. Pick one up at your local library, café, grocery store, or check it out online and skim it for upcoming events of interests.
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    Get involved in the LGBT community.Whether it is participating in an activity, attending an event, or joining an online forum, try to find ways to become active in the community. Not only will your involvement strengthen the LGBT community in general, it will give you several opportunities to meet other lesbians.
    • Attend a local or nearby Pride Week event or check out your community LGBT center.[1]
    • Look into the GLAAForum, PlanetOut, Empty Closets, or Women Online Worldwide.[2]
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    Go to events friends and family have.Especially when your LGBT or more progressive friends and family members invite you somewhere, try to attend. You will not only be supporting the people you care about, but you never know who might be there worth meeting or who they may know that you want to know.[3]
    • The more you socialize, the more comfortable you’ll be meeting people and the more lesbians you have the potential to meet.
    • Attend your cousin’s karaoke night or your sister’s poetry reading.
    • Take your friend up on their invite to a potluck dinner or go see their band performing.
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    Attend faith-based activities. Many religious organizations host events specifically to offer LGBT members the opportunity to socialize in a safe setting.[4] Check with your local faith-based agencies to find out what opportunities they might have for you to meet other lesbians.
    • Learn a little about the organization before you attend an event or activity.
    • Some faiths are more accepting than others, however some local denominations, chapters, etc. may not be as progressive as their name suggests or as their national organization is.
    • Unitarian Universalist, Buddhist, Reform Jewish, United Church of Christ, Episcopal, Al-Fatiha Foundation, Nondenominational, Modern Catholic, and Lutheran are some faiths that are LGBT-friendly.[5]
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    Volunteer. Volunteering at activist meetings and charity events is a great way to give back to and become involved in the LGBT community. Additionally, you can work with organizations that not only represent your values, but that also may have a high number of lesbians volunteering as well.[6]
    • Check out charity and volunteer events through LBGT organizations.
    • Explore local women’s groups, causes, and organizations.
    • Look into GLAAD, Gay for Good, Equality Federation, Women Thrive, and the National Organization for Women.
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    Try social networking and social apps.This is a great way to specifically meet other lesbians. Many of the apps allow you to search for new ‘friends’ by specifying characteristics or by searching for specific phrases. One of the additional benefits of meeting other lesbians online is that you can get to know a little about them before you meet face-to-face.[7]
    • Always remember to use caution when meeting people from the internet in-person.
    • Join lesbian groups and follow hashtags related to LGBT issues (#lesbian, #LGBT, etc.) on social networking sites.
    • Try the groups LGBTAdvocate or LGBT Pride Support on Facebook.[8]
    • Give the social networking apps OKCupid and Hinge a try.[9]

Method 2
Making Sure She’s Into Women

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    Out yourself subtly. Letting a woman know that you are a lesbian is one way to gauge if she is also lesbian. It can also be awkward and a bit scary. Instead of announcing “I’m a lesbian” as part of your basic information, try subtly bringing it into the conversation.[10]
    • Mention that you went to a lesbian club or will be attending an LGBT event.
    • If there was a recent LGBT activity, ask her if she attended.
    • If she responds positively, then you know that at the least she is not hostile to LGBT folks.
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    Look for signs. In some situations there are indicators that can suggest whether a woman is a lesbian or not. Everything from where you are when you meet, her body language and other signs can give you an indication of whether she’s into women, and possibly you[11].
    • Look for obvious signs like meeting her at a LGBT rights dinner or her wearing a t-shirt that says ‘Lipstick Lesbian’ in her profile picture.
    • Does she seem interested in your conversation? When you are talking does she lean toward you? Occasionally touch you? Gaze at you for just a beat too long? If she seems to be flirting with you, she just might be.
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    Ask. There will be lots of times when you can’t tell from a girl’s signs if she is a lesbian or her responses to your subtly outing yourself are ambiguous. Sometimes the only way to know if a woman is into women is to ask.[12]
    • Don’t let that be the first thing you ask her. Even if she is a lesbian, that’s not the best way to start a conversation.
    • If you are shy, you can ask, “Are you here with your boyfriend?” Hopefully, she will say, “No, I’m lesbian” or at least just “no” (which leaves open the possibility that she may be lesbian).
    • If the conversation is going well, then you might say, “If it isn’t too personal a question, are you lesbian?”

Method 3
Being More Outgoing

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    Socialize more.The only way to meet other lesbians is to put yourself in a position to do so.[13] Keeping to yourself or staying at home only helps you find other lesbians if you are searching online or using an app. Even then, you have to do more than browse photos and like statuses.
    • Go places, participate in things, engage people in conversation, ask questions, etc.
    • While you don’t have to bar hop or participate in every LGBT activity you come across, try to go out and do something at least a couple of times a month.
    • When you are online, actually engage the people on your friends lists. Send a lesbian that you have been ‘liking’ or just commenting on for a while a direct message.
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    Start a conversation. If you always wait for people to approach you, then you may be waiting a while to meet other lesbians. Being the one to initiate a conversation shows confidence and may give you the opportunity to meet a lesbian that was too shy to speak up.[14]
    • Try a variation of the ’60 Second Game’ and when you are around women that you don’t know, introduce yourself to one and start a conversation within the first minute.[15] Doing it in the first minute doesn’t give you enough time to become anxious or second-guess yourself.
    • Complement her shirt or hairstyle.
    • Ask her what brought her to the event or does she know of anything else similar going on soon, etc.
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    Do the things you love.Participating in activities that you enjoy helps you to meet other lesbians in a few ways. If you are doing something you love you’ll be happier, more relaxed, and more open to meeting people in general. If you meet someone there, chances are she likes that activity also, so you’ll know that you have at least one thing in common.[16]
    • Even if it is a solo activity like gardening or gaming, you can make it more social by going to meet-ups, fairs, shows, conventions, etc.
    • Try to find activities related to your interests that are hosted by LGBT groups and organizations.
    • Offer to give a demonstration of your interest at an upcoming LGBT event.
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    Host an event. Whether it’s getting a group of people together for an outdoor adventure or planning a small dinner party, holding your own event gives you the opportunity to meet other lesbians on your own terms. Ask a couple (or all) of your attendees to bring a friend (preferably lesbian) that you don’t know.
    • For example, invite three friends over for a potluck and request that they each bring a friend.
    • Organize a Pride Week day trip for your school or company.
    • Plan a game night through an organization or group you are involved with.
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    Don’t limit yourself. Being willing to attend a variety of events and meet all different types of people will not only expand your opportunities for meeting other lesbians, but may lead to friendships with people that know other lesbians for you to meet.
    • Although LGBT events and venues are a great place to meet other lesbians, just like you, lesbians do things that aren’t specifically LGBT.
    • You can meet lesbians at the gas station, grocery store, bank, gym, everywhere!

Method 4
Being More Approachable

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    Be yourself.You will feel more comfortable in general when you are being yourself. It also presents your authentic self to any lesbians you do meet, starting the friendship with honesty and making it more likely it will last.
    • Don’t try to change your appearance or personality to impress or get to know a girl.
    • Be honest about things like whether you are out (a little or all the way) or not.
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    Put your best foot forward. Of all the steps here, this is probably the most important. If you present yourself with assurance and a smile, you will be more approachable and find it easier to meet other lesbians.[17]
    • Take care of your hygiene and appearance. You don’t need to do a whole makeover, just make an effort to make sure your breathe smells fresh, face is clean, etc.
    • Remember that you never get a second chance to make a first impression - even if you happen to look a complete mess, you can still have a good attitude, and even make your explanation for your appearance a conversation-starter.
    • If you seem angry, sullen, or just plain unapproachable, very few people, lesbian or otherwise, will want to get to know you.[18] Smile and make eye contact if you see a woman you want to get to know.
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    Represent yourself well online. Because of the popularity of meeting lesbians online and through apps, having an appealing profile is one way to meet other lesbians.[19] Having a nice picture on your profile and including your hobbies, activities, etc. gives other lesbians a sense of who you are and encourages them to learn more about you.
    • Make sure your information and photos are accurate so that if and when you do have a face-to-face with a lesbian you meet online there are no surprises.
    • You may want to temporarily include some indicator in your profile that you are lesbian, so that other lesbians can identify you as a potential friend.
    • While you don’t have to go ‘full access’ for the whole world, you may want to relax your privacy settings a bit so that interested lesbians can contact you.


  • Get to know gay/lesbian friends! Even if you're not interested in them they can be good contacts for meeting people, and they can help you feel more comfortable with meeting people in general!
  • Be patient.


  • You may be rejected some, that’s life and it’s natural. You don’t like every lesbian you meet, so don’t expect every lesbian you meet to like you.

Sources and Citations

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Categories: LGBT