How to Make Friends If You're Insecure

Friendship is magic––My Little Pony was right all along! It really is an amazing thing to have friends you can share everything with. Maybe they're close, maybe they're on the other side of the world. What matters is that to a real friend, distance doesn't make a difference. They love you all the same for what you are, and not what you're trying so hard to be but failed over time, or what you could be when you get rich and famous. Nah, they love you if you were so ugly they could hardly look at you, but still will. They love you for you. That's great, but how do you get these friends when you feel insecure all the time? It isn't as easy as it may sound, but with a few simple steps you'll get there soon enough.


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    Be prepared to put in the effort. Finding friends is not that hard as long as you actually try. They won't just drop through the ceiling, saying "Ello! I'm your new buddy, Bob!". You need to put some effort into it too, such as opening up to people instead of hiding in a corner until Bob will show up.
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    Create your confidence. What do you like about yourself? List the things that you think make you unique or likeable. Start off with three, ideally five but three will do just fine to start with. Make sure they're things you like about you and you're proud of.
    • For example, your musical skills, pretty eyes or kindness. Write these three things in full sentences (i.e. "I am proud of my skills on the piano") on post-it notes and stick them somewhere you will see them daily. On a mirror, on your wall, in your diary, somewhere you will definitely see them. You'll see that in time, you'll get more confidence in these particular things.
    • But of course, that's not what defines you! You're more than a pretty face and a piano! Gradually add more post-its until you can't even see your mirror anymore! Okay maybe not that much, but every time you think "Hey, I like this about me too", write it down and stick it with the rest. You will be reminded of your good aspects daily and this will help you a lot.
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    Keep trying to improve. If you stay the same way you are now, nothing will change. Of course, you can already be proud of that too, which is great, but for the people who still need some help with their lives, this may just be the most important step. Constantly try to improve yourself. Of course you're perfect the way you are, but there is always room for improvement. You'll often hear "always be yourself", well of course you should. You can't suddenly switch to Chuck Norris or a unicorn (sadly), but that doesn't mean you're stuck with whatever you are now. A better advice would be; "be the best version of you", a version of you that you can be proud of you became.
    • How do you do this? Very simple. Human emotions can be triggered by anything, the smallest things can have a big influence on your life and sanity. But also your pride and confidence. Set small tasks for yourself that you don't like (such as doing the dishes, cleaning, doing homework, etc.). Completing them makes you feel so much more fulfilled at the end of the day. You'll feel like you accomplished something and that will make you feel better. It's also a great cure for impending depression, because you'll have accomplished something and you can't help but be (even a little) proud of that. This will also help you gain more confidence, because you did something useful instead of sitting around, doing nothing.
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    Meet people. Yeah, it will be a little awkward. Yeah, you'll feel ashamed. Yeah, some people will not be the funnest people around. But nothing helps you make friends more than experience and common interests.
    • Find a topic you find interesting, such as Doctor Who, and see if there's anyone else close that shares this interest.
    • Or, go to a meeting, where there are lots of people with the same interests. Who knows, maybe you share more than one common topic with them.
    • Find someone who is just as insecure. If such a meeting intimidates you, start out small. Every school has a loner or two, and two is not alone. Search empty classrooms, corners and hallways for these people, as they tend to hide. Someone who is always alone will not open up so easily either, which makes conferring a lot harder. And they sure will not start the conversation either. This is where you need to man (or woman) up and start it yourself. Music is always a great topic, but of course it can be anything. Find a common interest and let a conversation flow from there, and voilà! You have a friend ( if all goes well).
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    Keep making friends. You will realize that once you've made a friend, your confidence will go up. With every friend you've made, you'll be more self assured and it will be a lot easier for you to converse with people after a little experience, resulting in more possible friends.


  • It's all about how they act, how much you talk and all that nonsense, but really it's a feeling. You might mistake it for amorous feelings at first if you're young and naive, but when you don't have to worry about "should I say this?" and you just do it and everything's okay, you've found a real friend. Someone you can keep for a long time. It's a feeling, because everyone acts differently you can't take that as a guideline. You have to feel it. It doesn't need saying that it has to come from both sides.


  • Do not bring up any social insecurities or say you don't know what to talk about in your first conversation. The first is confidential and should only be told to friends who know how to deal with it. The second just comes off as awkward.

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Categories: Overcoming Shyness & Insecurities