How to Make a Clean Comeback

Do you hate it when people insult you and want to give them a nice, smooth comeback? Then forget the "your mom" and "your face" rants and follow these steps: ask them is that all you got?


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    Be relaxed, as usual. If you get angered when someone insults you, you somehow automatically lose your nerves. So listen carefully to their insult, and it'll come to you easier.
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    Don't overdo it. If you say something so complex and outrageous, no one will be impressed. Here's an example: say someone calls you fat. Don't say: "Well, I could use my belly to blow your skinny face into the ground." It just seems pathetic, trying to save face with humor. Instead, maybe try "Well it's better to be fat and happy rather than an anorexic stick like yourself."
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    Try to avoid saying "um" and "uh". All comebacks should flow perfectly. Try to avoid stuttering as well.
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    Be clever enough to make it so they can't think of another comeback to your comeback. Like someone says you're the stupidest person ever, you could say, "And why are you telling me this?" The only thing they could say after that is, "Cause you can't do anything good."
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    Put what they say to your advantage. This will help you get a comeback, and can embarrass your opponent as well! for example, if they say that you are disgusting, you can say "look who's talking" back.
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    Pretend to be in a hurry and say, "I don't have time for this." Maybe an even better comeback would be "I don't have time for immature viewpoints such as yours", then walk away. It leaves them in the dust. Be sure not to sound panicked like "Oh crap! Oh no, I don't have time for this!" Make it so you seem superior to them.
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    Even if you have a good comeback, don't use it again. That shouldn't have to be explained any better.
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    Don't totally change the subject. If they say your clothes sucks don't talk trash about their clothes. You'll sound desperate to have a comeback. Say it gets you where you need to go.
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    Last but not least: be confident. If someone insults you, don't give up in the middle of your comeback. Example: "well, you're like...yeah...whatever!" Stay with it!


  • Make a mental list of comebacks for different subjects. Like a comeback if someone calls you fat, make one up, then keep it in your mind. They say you're dumb? Think of a great comeback and put it in your brain.
  • Don't use the "talk to the hand" or put your hand in their face. It looks pathetic and it shows that you're immature.
  • Always act mature, even if you're really not. Especially when the other person is acting immature. If you act mature, they'll know that they can't upset you.
  • If you have nothing to say stare blankly. Then when they're like, "hello?" you can say that you were practicing your poker face. If they ask what you are staring at, reply with, "That's what I'm trying to figure out . . . "
  • Have a standard list of replies that work for you. Examples: "Well thanks for that bit of sunshine (or, breath of fresh air)!" "I'm doing fine, thanks, how are you?" "It's amazing, no one's ever told me that before ...!" "Well just let me know when you're going to buy me a better car, I'm looking forward to that!" "Thanks for reminding me why I'm looking forward to my next (class)(appointment)." "Thanks, I'll pray for you too." "Have a blessed day." "God bless you too."
  • Find comeback books.
  • If you can't think of a comeback on the spot, raise your eyebrows and look the person up and down.


  • Never try to explain your comeback if they don't get it, it will just ruin the moment.
  • Don't brag about a good comeback to the person you used it on. This also ruins the moment.
  • All of this insulting isn't good. But if you do get insulted, of course you need a comeback!

Article Info

Categories: Language Nuances