How to Know if You Love Someone

Love can seem beautiful and terrifying at the same time, and figuring out your feelings for someone is often one of the intimidating parts of falling in love. To know if you love someone, take a step back and view your relationship objectively: ask yourself why you value this person and how you would feel if you lost them, among other things. Compare these observations to what you know about like, lust, and love to determine what your current feelings really are.


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    What does your gut tell you? Be honest with yourself. If your first reaction is "Self, what kind of question is that? Of course I love him/her!", then you're on the right track. Similarly, if your first reaction is more along the lines of "Um, well, it's complicated.", then hold off on saying the words. You might just be "in like," or perhaps "in lust." Both have their places, but they're not love.
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    Be objective. Yes, it's not easy to take your "self" out of the equation, but try. Think about what you like about them. Is it their brilliant smile, their impeccable taste, or their ease with people? Whatever the reason for your love may be, write it down in a journal. Write as long as a list as you can.
    • Be critical, too—nobody's perfect, not even your crush. Note what things don't work for you. Maybe that unibrow puts you off, or they have a sense of fashion that went out of date in middle school. Noting their deficits shouldn't be seen as trying to scare yourself out of possible love—only that it will toss a little cold water on your ardor, and let you think a little clearer about what it is that you do like.
    • Evaluate your list. Is it too long or too short—on either side of the equation? If it is too short, you need to go back and think a little more. You cannot truly love someone if you do not know them or can't think of much good to say about them. If the list of negatives is too short, and filled with trivial things like toothpaste tubes and the kind of car they drive, it's not love.
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    Consider how you think and feel when you are around them. Do you feel nervous? Excited? Does your heart beat a little faster, the sky seem a little brighter, and cares seem a lot less important? Emotions like that are often a sign of love.
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    Observe how you act with them when you are around other people. Do you stay close to them? Or drift? If you stay close—too close—that might be more a sign of infatuation or neediness, not love. Similarly, if you tend to drift away, you may simply find their presence comforting and pleasant, but not really necessary—and not really love. However, if you drift in and out of each other's spheres, and talk to other people but keep shooting looks across the room at each other (and feel a thrill each time you do so), you're probably looking at love with long-term potential.
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    How do they feel? It is true that they could love you and you not feel the same, or vice versa, so you need to think about whether or not you really love them or if they are just triggering sympathetic feelings.
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    Tell the person how you feel. You don't have to say The Words directly—you can say that you're thinking this could happen, and you are excited to feel this way with them. Say you are on a quest to discover your feelings for them and let them know your progress.
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    Imagine how you would feel if you lost them. You will know you love someone if you feel protective over them and if you feel protected by them. You will feel like you won't let anything happen to them and you will feel like you don't ever want anyone to take them from you.


  • Don't try to love people just because they are showing you love. Look deeply into their character and see if it's real or not.
  • People say hate is a strong word but we say love like its nothing. Love is a very powerful word.
  • Don't fall for someone just because they give you attention. Wait for someone who truly understands you.
  • Johnny Depp once said, "If you are in love with two people, pick the second one, because if you loved the first one you wouldn't have fallen for the second."
  • Always be ready for the hard part of love, it is not always easy.
  • If someone says they love you, but you do not feel the same, do not be afraid to tell them.
  • Take your time, don't rush into love.
  • Love is not only physical, it is also an emotional attachment.
  • Like the old song, listen to your heart. It will always give you the right answer.
  • Find out who that person really is, before you can say you love them.
  • It's not the end of the world if they don't like you back. Don't be afraid to move on, everyone does it.
  • Look in your heart and if you see him or her right there then you are in love.
  • Remember that love is not just a fling. It is something that takes time.
  • If you love someone, it's not always good to tell them. After you have worked out that you do love a person, take your time to work out how they feel back. If you blurt out that you love them already, they can be frightened away or they may wonder why you have to say it so early in the relationship.
  • Don't choose too quickly as they just might want to use you to make them feel popular. Examine them--is this person the right one for you? Do you share the same values? Think rationally before you let your emotions make the decisions.
  • Don't be afraid to tell how you feel, she/he might have the same feelings for you.
  • If you find yourself wanting to have him/her kissing or hugging you a lot, then you probably love that person too.
  • Just because you love her/him,don't to be afraid to tell others or be ashamed of yourself.
  • If you have experienced crushing on someone, you should know if you really love that person because loving is much more difficult and stronger than crushing on someone.
  • Your feelings may change. That is normal.
  • Do not try anything before you like each other.


  • If the other person doesn't love you back, don't "get mad and get even", instead get ready. This person may need more time.
  • Beware and always know, falling in love means you like more than one thing about a person. Falling for someone for one specific asset will typically just be affection, not love.
  • Love could also happen quickly. Love at first sight is real but not always likely, you just have to think about everything for a long time before deciding about love.

Things You'll Need

  • A significant other
  • Piece of paper/pen

Article Info

Categories: Love and Romance