How to Keep from Getting Caught Smoking by Your Parents

Here is a decent list of things to keep you from getting caught smoking by the parental unit (or greatly reduce the risk) .


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    DO NOT smoke in your house (unless you live with smokers). Even if you cut off your vents and put a towel under your door, and smoke while leaning out of your window, smoke has this miraculous ability to follow air currents. When the air in your house is on, the smoke will follow the pressure changes and find its merry way to the return vent, and even if it's just a little smoke, it will get to every single part of your house in a matter of seconds.
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    When smoking outside, stay far, far away from the house. The heat pump (the big fan thingies that sit outside of your house that work with the air unit,) act as the intake of a house's A/C system, and just like the return vents in the house, they will spread the smoke all over in a matter of seconds. Not to mention smoke will find its way through crawl space vents, and doors and windows (even when they're shut.)
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    Keep friends that smoke. It's easier to explain the smell when your buddies smoke.
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    Keep your cigarettes and lighters hidden, but relatively easy to get to, and not easy to be spotted messing with them. THIS DOESN'T MEAN UNDER YOUR MATTRESS! Your parents aren't stupid. They've lived longer than you, they've also probably done it, and they know all of the usual hiding spots like under beds, under mattresses, in pillow cases, dressers, clothes hanging in the closet, etc. Find somewhere really creative. Think of somewhere that they'd never look in a million years, but is in plain sight. For instance, inside an old, dusty clay vase on the book shelf. Behind the clock on the fireplace mantle. Inside the hollow of one of your mom's porcelain figurines that's been sitting in the same spot for 10 years.
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    Avoid colognes and body sprays. Unless you use them religiously already, try to avoid these. You will only draw attention to yourself.
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    Stay upwind from the smoke. It will greatly reduce the smell that's on you.
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    If you're going to smoke in the car, buy an air freshener, make sure your A/C isn't on cycle (as that will keep the smell of smoke in the air system for ages to come,) point your vents towards the windows, keep all of your windows down, and keep the cigarette out the window.
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    While it is the most desired method, taking a shower at random times of the day to remove the smell is a bit suspicious, so when you come in from smoking, change your shirt, wash your hands, and brush your teeth. It would probably be best to put on a shirt of like color and make. If, every day, you go out to smoke wearing a green shirt, then go change into a blue shirt or something like that, you're gonna raise some eyebrows eventually unless your parents are just oblivious to everything you do (in which case don't bother finishing this article, because you don't need it.)
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    Use common sense and heaping spoonfuls of caution. If you're careless, you'll get caught. Expect the unexpected. Treat every time you smoke like your parents are waiting to catch you in the act.


  • Your parents are NOT stupid. They have seen it, done it, heard it. If you have to lie your way out of something, make sure it's believable, and if possible, true without the condemning factors added in. If you are to hide things, hide them where there is no possibility of them finding them even if they're looking for something.
  • Learn your parents' routines so you can figure out when you will have less to worry about getting caught. Does your mom take a nap at certain times of the day? What time do your parents get home from work? Do they usually call you if they're going to be early or late? Can you recognize the sound of their vehicles? Do they do certain things on certain days like invite people over or go out to eat? What time do they go to bed? Are they light sleepers? Pay attention to these things.
  • Eat strong foods. Cheeses, especially hot sauce, onions, garlic, anything strong.
  • Take a toilet paper tube or paper towel tube, and stuff it full of dryer sheets. Every time you exhale smoke, exhale it into the tube. It will at least reduce the smell around and on you even though it isn't fail-proof.
  • Stay outside for a while after you smoke. If you know you're going to have to walk through a room that your parent/s are going to be occupying, stay outside for a while and air out. Also avoid having to go near them. The less contact you have after smoking and before remedying the smell, the better.
  • Make sure you are upwind of the cigarette, and that your house is upwind of you. Even if you're a hundred yards away from the house, smoke will drift a LONG way, and if your parents step outside and smell it, and they know no one around smokes, you may have some trouble on your hands.
  • Throw your butts away from the house. If you live near the woods, throw them out there behind some brush. If you don't, hide them under a large rock, in some shrubbery, burn them, put them down a storm drain, just get rid of them.
  • Don't tell anyone who knows anyone, who knows anyone, who knows you and someone in your family unless you are one hundred percent SURE they won't say anything. Word has a way of getting around quickly, and most of the time unintentionally.
  • Assuming you're old enough to smoke, get in the habit of refusing receipts upon purchase. Receipts have a way of coming back to bite you if you forget to throw them away in a trash can that IS NOT YOURS.
  • Keep hand sanitizer on you. If you just can't take a shower, or feel that doing so would arouse suspicion, at least use hand sanitizer to get the smell off of your hands.


  • Be mindful of how you act. Your parents know you very well. After all, they did raise you. They can tell when something doesn't click and your mannerisms change, I.E you start leaving the house routinely at certain times of the day, and when you come back in, you smell like a body spray factory. You go outside for five minutes during the course of the day, then come back in, having gone out for no apparent reason. If you're going to change your daily routines, do so gradually, and have backup reasons. Sudden changes in behavior are things ever-so-suspicious parents look for.
  • It's up to you to not get caught. Be smart and don't ever, ever let your guard down.
  • Of course, smoking is detrimental to your health, so try to quit and do not start if you don't smoke already. You may think that you are not addicted, and live with the belief that the small amount of smoking in your life is negligible to your health, but having to smoke while the folks are home most likely means that you cannot control your cravings for a cigarette, meaning that you are addicted.

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Categories: Smoking