How to Get to Know Someone

No one said making friends was easy, but follow this simple guide and, before you know it, you could bloom into a social butterfly. Getting to know someone is the first step and this will help you achieve your goals.


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    Keep conversations active by listening and responding physically. Nod your head. Display appropriate facial expressions. Smile. Look your new friend right smack in the eye.
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    Ask questions that require more than a one-word response. You do not want to put the other person in a position to be able to say yes or no. Instead of saying "are you going away this weekend?" ask "where are you going this weekend?" Now the person will probably answer with a location, for example, the beach. Now you have something else to talk about (the beach).
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    Don't forget to respond verbally too. Show an interest in what the other person is saying. If your new friend is interested in something you know nothing about, Shakespeare, for example, ask about it. Why was Shakespeare so famous? What plays did that guy write, again? What century did he live in? Convince yourself that you want to know, and soon you will be having a very engaging conversation.
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    Plan activities that allow you to spend quality time together. Making consistent contact with the other person - either by phone, e-mail, or in person - will let them know that you enjoy their company.
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    Learn about their interests and opinions and be honest about your own. This will help the other person get to know you and help avoid a fake friendship.
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    Keep their interest. Tell them the most interesting things about yourself and your family and your likes and dislikes.


  • If you haven't talked to the person before, don't just explode with conversation and interest one day at random. While occasionally this can leave a positive impression, a lot of the time people will wonder if you're trying too hard. Casual asides to a person leading up to conversations are a better way to go.
  • People are drawn to those who look like they are enjoying life, so look that part; don't forget that winning smile.
  • Offer to share something nice, like cookies. Or you can offer them a pencil in class if they don't have one.
  • Always be available when a friend (old or new) is in need.. Sacrifice of yourself, is key to healthy relationships. It should never be all about you.
  • Make sure you defend your friend from bullies, detention, and other things.


  • Don't ask extremely personal questions or reveal personal information about yourself that might make the other person uncomfortable. If this person is right for you, there will be plenty of time for this later.
  • There are some people you don't want to get to know. If you discover a certain person is not for you, then just leave the conversation politely.
  • Never, ever say "Tell me about yourself". This puts the person on the spot and makes them uncomfortable, unless they really like to hear themselves talk, but don't take that chance. This will also make introverts especially uncomfortable.
  • Take a hint; if you can tell the person is tired of talking to you, such as looking away, gazing off into the distance, and giving curt answers, then stop! Just excuse yourself and go find something else to do. For example, you could say, "It was nice talking to you, but I'm afraid I have to go meet my friends now. Talk to you later!"

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Categories: Forming Friendships