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How to Get Over Someone You Obsess Over

Three Methods:Changing Your ThoughtsCreating New OpportunitiesChanging Your Habits

Getting over someone you're obsessed with can be really hard. There's no simple solution, but with a few steps, it's possible to put the past behind you and take a step into the future. Here's an easy guide to help those who are in need of forgetting someone they used to obsess over.

Method 1
Changing Your Thoughts

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    Ask yourself why you’re still holding on. Answer it truthfully, too. Maybe it’s, "Oh, well, we had such great times together," or "I just find that person so great." Whatever it is, answer it. Yet also look at what you are ignoring about this person. "He was always late." "He constantly criticized me." You may find that what you thought was ideal really wasn't.
    • If you're trying to get over someone, there are probably some reasons why you don't want to keep thinking about the person. Figure out some of those reasons and tell yourself why you should use those reasons to let go.
      • Does the person you obsess over treat you bad consistently? Tell yourself that you deserve better. Find a way to increase your self-esteem. You don't need to settle for someone who treats you bad because you think you deserve it.
      • Does the person you obsess over have another boyfriend/girlfriend? People with boyfriends/girlfriends are just off limits. If the person cheats on his boyfriend/girlfriend with you, why wouldn't they also cheat on you?
      • Have you had relationships in the past, but they never work out? You probably feel loyal to the person, and you're scared of what life is going to look like without him/her. Sometimes, however, it's just better to admit that you had a great run, and leave it at that. If you're truly meant for one another, it will happen some day. If not, then it is better to move on.
      • Do other circumstances, like parents, best friends, distance, age, etc., make the relationship not practical? If they are circumstances you can't control, then stop trying to fight life and focus on things that you can control. You deserve someone who is great and practical. You will find that person.
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    Remove all memories/mementos of the person from your everyday life. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. What they don't tell you is that too much absence makes the heart grow distracted. In your case, this is good!
    • Go through your room and remove all pictures of, letters from, references to the person you're trying to stop obsessing over. If you have a journal in which you write about the person, begin a completely new one; try not to write about the person.
    • Removing is different from destroying. Unless you never want the person to be any part of your life in the future, don't destroy objects or memories associated with the person. When you're old and obsessed with someone you love who loves you back, the memories will be fun to think about.
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    Play an association game. An association game is a fancy name for tricking your brain into lumping the person into a category that's bad, or a category you don't like. In the short term, it will help you think about the parts of the person that you don't like rather than the parts of the person that you obsess over.
    • The trick to the association game is just thinking of something bad whenever you think of the person. What's the first thing that pops into your mind when you think of the person you're obsessing over? Probably something good, right? Try thinking of something bad instead.
    • Does the person never shower, act arrogant or conceited, wear too much makeup, never follow through, play games, etc.? Whatever is worst about the person in your opinion, focus on it. Don't be mean about, but just drill it into your head, so that whenever you think of him/her, you think of something bad first.

Method 2
Creating New Opportunities

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    Get a new hobby. If you're still obsessing over the person, it might be because you just have too much time to let your mind wander. This isn't a horrible thing, but it's probably giving you too many opportunities to daydream. Pick up a new hobby by jumping into something you know makes you happy and busy, or explore something entirely new!
    • Consider hiking, surfing, ceramics, horseback riding, marine biology, fashion, photography, writing, gardening, roller/ice skating, modeling, crafting, biking, racing, rafting, debating, landscaping, chess, architecture, camping, writing, photography, robotics, or fencing. Anything that keeps you active will do. Don't worry about image. Do whatever excites you.
    • Volunteer. Volunteering is important because it shows you just how much you have. It forces you to realize that your small problem — trying to stop obsessing over someone — is a very privileged problem to have.
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    Lean on your friends. Your friends are there to help you. Through thick and thin. They give you advice, along with a shoulder to rest on. Go out with your friends, be happy with them. Don't just sit locked up in your room, isolated from the people who want to be around you.
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    Avenge yourself, if necessary. This is not meant in the harsh physical way. It means you should do everything to show them you don't care anymore. Sometimes, this can simply be achieved by being your normal self. Stop trying to impress them if you did so in the past. Instead, start doing the things you want to do, such as wearing clothes you actually like, doing sports you love, listening to music you like, etc.
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    Go on a trip. It doesn't need to be far if that's not practical. A lot of people take time to "reinvent" themselves after a breakup, going to places like India or South America. These places are far away and expensive to travel to, so they may not be practical. But find a place that's special in your heart.
    • Go someplace you've never been before. As mentioned earlier, it doesn't have to be really far away or expensive to travel to. As long as you're interested in going there, traveling can be a great way to stop obsessing over someone.
    • Talk with locals, engage in the community, and have fun. When you travel, focus on the new you. The new you is excited about learning, will put him/herself out there, and wants to have new experiences. What's the use of traveling if you don't put yourself out there?
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    Take your time. Don't forget: forgetting takes time. It can take as long as years to get over someone. But it does get easier. Life is never easy, but the more you understand, and the better you understand about yourself, the easier it will get. Pretty soon, you'll look back, laugh, and wonder: "What was I thinking?!"

Method 3
Changing Your Habits

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    Avoid being in the same place as the person, if possible. Avoiding the person is a good way to tell your body and mind that there are plenty of other people in the world who could demand your attention. Because it's true: There are plenty of other people out there, and your whole life doesn't have to revolve around one person.
    • Maybe you're in school with the person, or involved in an activity. Avoid the person as much as possible. Don't sit with the person at lunch; don't enroll in the same projects. As much as possible, be in a different place at a different time.
    • Don't put yourself in situations where you could bump into one another. If he goes to a lot of concerts during the summer, go play tennis instead. If she haunts the mall on Saturdays, only go to the mall during the week.
    • If you are forced to be in the same room, or do bump into him/her, just smile, make small talk if necessary, and make an excuse to leave. "Sorry, my friend needs some help with her homework," or something like that, could easily work.
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    Ignore them. Try not to talk or even look at that person. It's hard to control your thoughts, of course, but when that someone does something to get noticed or be near you, try to notice something else or be somewhere else. You won't get over someone you obsess over by just going with the flow.
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    Play a punishment game. This one is kind of like the association game, except this time it actually involves something physical instead of being purely mental. See if it works for you.
    • Put a loose rubber band around your wrist. Every time you think about that person, give yourself a little snap with the rubber band on the inside of your wrist. An obsession is a habit of thought (a certain way of thinking) that you can decrease with punishment, i.e., the pain of the band snapping against your wrist. Soon you'll see how less often thoughts of them cross your mind. That's progress!


  • Do not text that person. One little 'harmless' text could lead to you completely failing in your task when you get ignored. The pain will be bad and will just lead to over-thinking the situation and not resulting in you getting over this person.
  • Hanging around friends and family can really help get your mind off things, and perhaps even help you. Try to socialize a lot.
  • Keep busy. Go to meet ups, not for potential partners, but to be around people who share a common interest.
  • Definitely don't text the person at all. It will take you back to square one and all of your hard work in forgetting them is undone again. Start off by counting the days you haven't spoken to them and see how strong you can be to make it to 1 week then 2 weeks and so on until finally one day you have lost count and have forgotten about it completely.

Article Info

Categories: Emotional Conditions