How to Get Even With a Cheater

Three Methods:Exposing an Unfaithful PartnerHumiliating a CheaterTaking the High Road

Finding out that the person you’re with has been cheating on you can be devastating. You may feel hurt and confused or numb from disbelief, or you might be enraged and fantasize about taking revenge. Whether you choose to react with calm, condemning words or a resentful scheme to ruin their life, you can’t let a cheater’s behavior go unchecked or they’ll be more likely to let it continue. After you decide whether it’s worth ending your relationship over, think over a few ways to let an unfaithful lover know that what they’ve done is unacceptable.

Method 1
Exposing an Unfaithful Partner

  1. 1
    Catch them in the act. If you have reason to believe that your partner has been cheating, try to catch them red-handed or uncover some evidence to confirm your suspicions. Pay particular attention to any odd or unusual behavior they exhibit, and keep an eye on the people they’ve been corresponding with. You’ll have undeniable proof of their wrongdoing, and there will be no way for them to lie or weasel their way out of the situation.[1]
    • Trust your gut. If you sense that something is off about the way your significant other has been acting, it very well could mean something.
    • Resist the urge to go through your partner’s phone or email, or snoop into their private life in general, unless you’re fairly certain they’re carrying on an affair.
  2. 2
    Let the other guy/girl know. As soon as you find out that you’ve been two-timed, go straight to the other person. The infidelity has already occurred, so there’s no use inciting a confrontation, but it may give you the chance to expose your cheating partner to their other, unwitting lover. Chances are, the guy or girl they’ve been keeping on the side is none the wiser about their dishonest ways, and finding out from you will let them make a clean break before they waste any more of their time.[2]
    • Don’t assume that the other person helped your partner cheat with malicious intent. It may be that they’ve been deceived, too.
    • If the other person does know about the cheating, you can always blow off some steam by giving them a piece of your mind.
  3. 3
    Tell your friends. Once someone gains a reputation as a cheater, it can be hard to regain the trust and respect of the people in their lives. Spread the word that you’ve been betrayed and watch the cheater’s social circle dry up. Your friends can also function as an excellent support group. They can lend emotional consolation, offer a diversion to take your mind off the scandal and act as your better judgment if you’re thinking about giving the slimy homewrecker another chance.[3]
    • Letting your friends know that your boyfriend or girlfriend has been running around will motivate them to cut ties.
  4. 4
    Post about it on social media. Go public with the news on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Not only will this let your mutual friends and acquaintances know exactly what your partner has done wrong, it will also be extremely embarrassing for them to see their deceitful deeds dragged out in the open when they’ve been trying to keep them secret. No one who hears about what they’ve done will be willing to date them, which will keep them from hurting other people in the future.[4]
    • Be sure to tag your cheating partner in your post(s) so that they’ll know that you’ve found out what they’ve done and you’re not going to tolerate it. They’ll be horrified to discover that they’ve been outed to hundreds of people that know them.

Method 2
Humiliating a Cheater

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    Plot an act of revenge. If you absolutely can’t stomach the shame and anger of being cheated on, retribution may be your most tempting option. Post flyers up around town announcing what the cheater has done, mail herpes medication to the other guy or girl to get them panicking or hide a bag of shellfish in their car on a hot day. It may seem childish, but revenge is a strong, instinctual urge, and it can be very satisfying once it’s been achieved.[5]
    • Make sure you don’t do anything that could get you in bigger trouble when exacting your revenge. If something you’re considering doing sounds illegal or unethical, it probably is.
    • Taking revenge may just escalate the hostility between you and your cheating partner.
  2. 2
    Spill one of the cheater’s secrets. Trade a breach of trust for a breach of trust. Let everyone know that your unfaithful lover is a bedwetter or that they cry after sex. Carrying on with another person behind your partner’s back sends the clear message that the values of trust, loyalty and faithfulness are no longer being respected in your relationship. That means all bets are off.
    • If you’ve been dating someone for a while, chances are you know a few embarrassing things about them that they would be mortified to have get out.
    • Make up a damaging rumor about the cheater and let them deal with the gossip. Who says you have to play fair?
  3. 3
    Inform the cheater’s family. If you want to really wound their pride, don’t just tell the cheater’s friends or Twitter followers what they’ve done, tell their mother, father, siblings or grandparents. There’s no shame like the shame one feels when they’ve let their family down. This one can come as a real shock to their system and make them rethink the consequences of their actions.[6]
    • Because most people learn their morals from family, exposing their transgression to a loved one can be a powerful way of reminding them that they’ve done wrong.
    • This may be difficult to do if you’ve grown close with your partner’s family.
  4. 4
    Let them live with the guilt. Be up front with your partner about how much they’re hurt and disappointed you. There’s no need to act scornful or petty. Instead, be direct and unflinching and force them to confront the emotional backlash of betraying the person they were supposed to care for. Guilt is a powerful antidote for infidelity and deception, and they’re more likely to feel guilty if you don’t justify their harmful behavior by seeking out more destructive methods of retaliation.[7]
    • Don’t let it turn into a fight. A cheater will make excuses and do everything they can to make it seem like your fault, but don’t be fooled. Stay strong and let them know that what they’ve done isn’t okay.
    • If you talk to your partner earnestly and they still don’t feel any remorse, they’re probably not the kind of person you ought to be with in the first place.
  5. 5
    Make them atone for the sake of the relationship. Many couples decide to remain together after one partner has been unfaithful. If you decide that working things out is for the best, make sure to lay down strict guidelines for what types of behavior are acceptable and what is now expected from your cheating partner. This might involve monitoring their calls, texts and emails, forcing them to follow an agreed-upon schedule and limiting the time they spend out socializing. Let them know that they have one last chance to prove themselves to you, and that they'll have to work hard to rebuild your confidence in them.[8]
    • Cheating changes things. Your relationship might never be the same again, but that doesn't mean it has to be over. Sometimes, dealing with the fallout of an affair constructively can bring two people closer together than they were before.[9]
    • If they're serious about fixing the relationship, they'll tread lightly and show you more consideration going forward.

Method 3
Taking the High Road

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    Treat the cheater with indifference. Don’t indulge an unfaithful partner’s ego by acting jealous or possessive. Sometimes, people cheat to put themselves at the center of attention or because they don’t feel validated. By allowing yourself to get worked up, you’re giving them exactly what they want. Responding with total apathy shows them that you’re the only one in control of your emotions, which means you can’t be manipulated.[10]
    • It will take an incredible amount of self-control not to show anger or sadness, but as you make a conscious effort to display indifference, you’ll have an easier time putting things in perspective and letting go of negative emotions.
  2. 2
    Make the right call for your relationship. Not everyone who gets cheated on decides it’s worth ending their relationship over. If you’ve been together for a long time, and especially if you’re married, there may be other circumstances to consider before simply turning your back on your partner. Think long and hard about whether it’s possible to rebuild and make things work or if it might just be time to move on. Whatever you decide, make sure it’s a healthy, productive course of action that’s going to be good for you in the long run.[11]
    • Don’t be afraid to end things. It can be hard when you’ve invested so much of yourself in another person, but you should be able to recognize when you’re just being hurt and walk away.[12]
    • If you and your partner decide to work on your relationship, you should make it understood that you both need to be willing to communicate openly about when your needs aren’t being met.
  3. 3
    Spend time improving yourself. As the old saying goes, "living well is the best revenge." Turn your partner’s weakness into your strength. Channel your anger into productive activities like exercise or putting time into practicing a creative hobby. Make it obvious to your cheating spouse what a mistake it was to give up someone as beautiful, talented and ambitious as you. It’s natural to feel less desirable after being cheated on, but if you channel those hopeless feelings into more positive avenues, you’ll emerge a more confident person better equipped to cope with grief.
    • You should be motivated by the desire to improve yourself, not by insecurity.
    • If nothing else, take some time to be alone and enjoy the benefits of solitude. Meditate, catch up on your reading or simply find a quiet place to sit and reflect. It is extremely important to reclaim your peace of mind.[13]
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    Understand that you’re not to blame. Your partner’s choice to be unfaithful has nothing to do with you. Don’t hold yourself responsible or look for reasons why they might have been driven to cheat. You might find yourself questioning whether or not you were attractive or fun or supportive or emotionally available enough to keep your partner satisfied, but this line of thinking is useless. The best you can do is accept what’s happened, acknowledge that you deserve to be treated better and move on with your life.[14]
    • Accept circumstances as they are. Don’t waste your time wishing things were different—instead, make the best of a bad situation and compel yourself to make a positive change in your outlook and ability to stand up for yourself in your relationships.
  5. 5
    Find someone better. If your partner is willing to endanger your bond by cheating on you, they've shown that they either can't or won't meet your needs. Once infidelity has been committed, it can be nearly impossible to restore trust and intimacy. In most cases, you'll be better off moving on and starting a new relationship. You owe it to yourself to be with someone who cares about you and appreciates the effort you put into your relationship. Life is too short to waste your time settling for less than what you deserve.[15]
    • Ending a relationship is never easy, especially if you've been together for a long time. Just know that the pain will gradually fade, and that you'll soon find happiness again.[16]
    • Don't let yourself become paranoid or distrustful because you've been cheated on. This will just make it harder to establish a strong emotional connection in the future.


  • Set clear, defined boundaries in your relationship to prevent cheating.
  • Be careful about invading your partner's privacy to find out if they've been seeing someone else. This can also undermine trust in a relationship.
  • Think hard before you decide to exact revenge. This is a person that you care a lot about, or at least did at one time, and going out of your way to hurt them because they hurt you might just make you feel worse.
  • In order to correct a cheater's behavior, you have to let them know that you won't stand for what they're doing. If you've given them more than one chance and they're still being unfaithful, you should be prepared to put an end to the relationship.
  • Seek counseling or support if you're having trouble dealing with infidelity. It may even be possible to salvage the relationship if the two of you go together.


  • It's never okay to get even by cheating yourself. This makes you no better than them, as you're engaging in the very act that you find so objectionable.
  • If you've caught your partner cheating more than once, they probably don't have any intention of ever stopping.
  • Assault, stalking and permanently damaging someone's property are criminal offenses. Find a less severe way of taking out your anger.

Sources and Citations

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Categories: Cheating in Relationships