How to Get Asked Out

Three Parts:Using Body Language to Increase Your ChancesStarting a ConversationAsking Him Out if He Doesn't Get the Hint

Everyone wants to feel wanted. It's natural to want someone to ask you out, because it shows a special interest. Even if you like someone a lot, you may want to wait for him to make the first move. Although it's sometimes recommended that you go ahead and take the initiative yourself, being asked out feels great. Getting asked out doesn't require direct action on your part, but you do need to open yourself up to the possibility.

Part 1
Using Body Language to Increase Your Chances

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    Present yourself well. Dressing your best doesn't mean being as glamorous as possible. If you want to be approached, it's better to stay as casual as possible. Try to match your dress style to your personality.[1] Give people who look at you some indication of who you are as a person without even having to know your name. If you want to be approached, this should at least make you more compatible with the people you attract.
    • For instance, band shirts are a great thing because they advertise something (in this case, music) you are passionate about. The same goes for other kinds of merchandise. It offers an opportunity for someone with similar tastes to approach and compliment you.
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    Use positive body language. Body language can be used to your advantage. In the case of wanting to be asked out, body language is essential. It lets someone know subconsciously that you are potentially interested, and that you want him to come to you. Body language often goes hand-in-hand with flirting in this regard.[2] If you're interested in a guy, position your body to face him directly. This will signal to him that you're interested.[3]
    • It's commonly said that women twirl their hair when they're talking to a guy they're interested in.
    • Positioning your body to face the guy you're interested in is a good way to show interest.
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    Take care of your body. While many will see taking care of their body as a way to look better, the more important benefit lies in the way you feel. A lot of the way you feel emotionally has to do with your physical health. Give your body the respect it deserves. Healthy living tends to lead to a lot of other great things. Expect a better mood. While health doesn't direct relate to being asked out, it can make a huge difference in attracting someone.
    • Exercise is a great way to strengthen your body and mind. Exercising at least a couple of times per week can alleviate stress and actually give you more energy than you'd normally have.[4]
    • Eating well has a major impact on the way you feel in your day-to-day life.[5] Even if you don't want to go for a purely health-conscious diet, it doesn't hurt to cut out the worst things and replace them with something better. The way you feel should be worth losing the junk food.
    • Many people get less than 5 hours of sleep per night. This will leave you irritable and dependent on coffee for energy. Try to get between 6-9 hours to ensure you're well-rested throughout the day.
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    Make eye contact.[6] Eye contact is one of the primary ways people can make their interest known without talking. Don't be afraid to prolong your eye contact. It may feel uncomfortable, but it's an almost surefire way of expressing your interest. While a normal face scan lasts three seconds, anything longer than means that someone is probably interested. If you hold someone's gaze, you can let him know you're interested without ever having to open up your mouth.
    • Eye contact alone may go a long way, but girls can make it even more inviting by batting their lashes while staring.[7] People tend to blink more when they're looking at someone they're attracted to.
    • Eye contact should be kept light-hearted. You don't want to come off as creepy to someone. Remember to smile when you're looking someone's way. The way eye contact is received also depends on whether the guy thinks you're attractive.
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    Smile. Smiling can say more than words. If you haven't met someone, a smile can let him you are interested in getting to know him.[8] You may be shy to smile at first, but there are very few people who won't appreciate the positive attention of a smile. Smiles are best when they are natural. Fake smiles may come across as creepy, so do your best to be relaxed when you first smile at someone.
    • Smiling is best used with eye contact. That way, there's no doubting whom that smile is aimed at.
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    Show your attraction through light touching. Some girls will feel put off by the idea of showing their attraction first, but if you want to get a guy to ask you out, you have to let him know you're interested. Light touching is a good way to show your attraction once you've started a conversation. A playful touch on the arm or a prolonged hug can express attraction just as well as saying "I like you."[9]
    • Light touching should be kept very casual, and you should only do it if the conversation you're having is fairly light. It won't have the same effect if the conversation is depressing.

Part 2
Starting a Conversation

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    Make yourself approachable. Some of the world's most beautiful women report having a hard time getting asked out. Why? Because they often intimidate men and inadvertently scare them away.[10] The most important thing if you want to get asked out is the make yourself approachable. This can be done by staying relaxed and casual.
    • The best way to actively get around the issue of approachability is to give guys an open invitation to approach you. If you ask a boring question, like "What is the best thing to eat here?", it gives the other person an opportunity to spark up a conversation with you on friendlier terms.[11]
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    Make sure you're in a good mood. Whether it's apparent or not, a lot of people deal with feelings of sadness on a daily basis. Some may even struggle with depression. Depression is nothing to be ashamed about, but it's undeniable that a glum mood can hurt your chances of being asked out. If you struggle with negative feelings or self-doubt, it is a challenging (but not impossible) process to weed those bad thoughts out. Make a habit of stamping out bad feelings, and practicing gratitude for the things you already have in your life.[12] You shouldn't be trying to conquer something like depression purely for the sake of being asked out, but it is something that will become easier to manage once your inner demons are silenced.
    • Confide in friends if you're struggling with any feelings of self-doubt. Chances are high your friends would do anything to help you out, and an earnest discussion about vulnerable things can make a world of difference.
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    Strike up a conversation. Even if you're only talking as friends (at first), a conversation is necessary if you want to be asked out. It doesn't matter what the conversation is about. All that matters is that good energy is being shared between the two of you. You don't have to worry about being the best conversationalist. Be an active listener, and empathize with what he tells you.[13] Ask questions about things you are interested in hearing about, and respond to questions you are asked. Be proud of who you are. The other person is bound to get interested in time.
    • Look to your surroundings for a conversation starter. For example, if you're striking up conversation at a concert, you might ask: "Which band are you here for? Are there any songs you're excited to hear?"
    • If being shy is your thing, you can do lots to get him interested in approaching you for a conversation. Flash him a smile and hold his gaze. If he's available, he should get the message.
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    Let him know you're interested. Sometimes, the reason a guy won't ask you out is because he's unsure as to whether you're interested in him yourself.[14] The way to get over this hoop is by dropping hints that you like him. This can be done through playful flirting, or taking an active role in interacting with him. Everyone likes to feel wanted, and you will make him feel wanted by keeping a conversation going.
    • In conversation, playful teasing shows you're interested without having to tell him outright.
    • Light, playful touching (like touching the arm) is an example of physical flirting.
    • Compliments can be seen as flirting, especially if you're complimenting the guy on something you're normally attracted in, such as his looks or his intelligence.
    • Text messages and phone calls can also be flirtatious.
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    Get specific in your conversations. Whether or not you are doing the asking out yourself, making things specific in a conversation means more of the other person's attention will be focused on you. Making things specific also offers more natural ways for the other person to ask you out. Bringing up specific people and places that somehow relate to a dating scenario gives him a chance to ask the question without feeling like he's jumping the gun.
    • For example, if you want him to ask you out on a movie date, don't just say you want to see a movie. Specify which movie you want to see, especially if you already know he wants to see it too. This gives him a specific opportunity to pop the question.
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    Act playful and coy. You don't stand much chance of being asked out unless people think you are fun to be around. Light-hearted behaviour (like flirting) puts others in a better mood and opens an invitation to be asked out.[15] Even if you're not typically a cheerful person, putting on a bright face invites good things into your life.
    • This can sometimes be done as simple as making the conscious choice to show a brighter side of yourself.
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    Make him think it's his idea. There are sneaky ways of directing a conversation to make it seem like he was the one that asked you out. You can do this by working a conversation in such a way that it seems like he's indirectly asking you out himself.[16] While this is technically manipulative, if there is attraction and chemistry between the two of you, he won't be complaining about it.
    • For instance, you might ask something like: "Are the any great sushi places nearby?" When he gives you an answer, you could respond in turn by saying "That sounds great. When should we go?" This way, it makes his suggestion seem like a veiled proposal to go together.[17]
    • This is easier to do if the two of you are already playful and have chemistry. It's also quite easy to botch if the chemistry is not there. If it doesn't feel natural, you might be interpreted as being needy.

Part 3
Asking Him Out if He Doesn't Get the Hint

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    Know the differences between male and female etiquette.[18] It may go without saying that guys are usually expected to be the ones to ask out the girl. This isn't always the case, but it's a good idea to understand that some guys may be taken aback if you ask them out. Guys may be put off if a total stranger suddenly asks them out. If a girl asks out a guy she already knows fairly well, it will seem much less odd.
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    Be patient. If you insist on waiting for someone to ask you out rather than doing it yourself, you have to be patient. You are agreeing to play on their terms, and not everyone is going to jump into things quickly.[19] Whether you're a boy or a girl, if you decide to put in the ball in the other person's court, the best thing you can do is play it cool.
    • At the same time, this also means not putting your life on hold to wait for the person to ask you out. Do the things you love to do, and don't be afraid to leap into another relationship if you think the person is taking too long to ask you out.
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    Suggest a plan directly. Girls may be waiting a long time for a guy to make his move. If you're not ready to show your feelings directly, asking someone out on a casual date like a movie or the beach at least lets the guy know you want to see more of him. Be specific with the plans.[20] That makes it clear to the guy that you're not playing around and feel serious about it. If a guy didn't take the hint when to ask you out, being direct is sometimes the only way to get through to him.
    • Say something that lets him know you enjoy his company and want to see more of him: "Hey, I've been enjoying talking to you a lot. We should go catch a movie sometime."
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    Make a bold move. With some guys, their shyness may keep them from asking you out. In other cases, a guy may not be sure if you're interested. Jumping into making a move probably not a risk you were planning to make if you were expecting to be asked out, but it can end up resulting in a passionate moment for the both of you. Guys aren't usually used to a girl making a move on them, so it can be very flattering for them.[21]
    • Boldness can mean anything from a kiss to directly approaching and starting a conversation if you haven't done so already. One way or another, it will prove that you're confident.
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    Accept the possibility of rejection.[22] It may be painful to think about, but a relationship isn't always going to happen from every person you're interested in. While you should make your feelings known and never just assume he's not interested, rejection is always a possibility. If you find out he's not interested in you, the best thing you can do is focus on feeling better. Remind yourself that it's perfectly okay to feel hurt. The pain is temporary. Before too long, you will run into someone else who catches your eye.
    • Don't take the pain at face value. Look into it and break down the pain. Positive self-talk won't make the pain go away completely, but it will do a lot.


  • Keep your own feelings in mind before anyone else's. At the end of the day, you're looking for your own happiness, and that can't happen if you're focusing exclusively on what someone else wants.
  • It can save you loads of stress if you do the asking out yourself. There is an unnecessary stigma against girls asking out guys, and it doesn't have to be that way.
  • Try to consider why you would prefer to wait to be asked out. It's perfectly okay to do so, but it could save you stress if you make the move yourself. Look into the cultural norms of "who should ask who", and decide for yourself whether you agree with them.[23]


  • Don't take it personally if he doesn't ask you out. It can hurt a lot, but you need to keep in mind that it doesn't count as a rejection if you didn't ask him out yourself.

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Categories: Going Steady