How to Feel Confident

Four Parts:Help Building ConfidenceTricking Your BrainWorking from the Outside InPracticing, Practicing, Practicing

You might have already read and learned how to be confident, but what if you still don't feel all that confident? Sometimes it takes your emotions a little bit of time to catch up with your behaviors, but you can help to move the process along. Perhaps all you really need is some working out and dressing up to feel better, or maybe you can start with thinking positively and smiling more often. In any case, feeling confident is definitely a continuous process that, when achieved, will improve your quality of life immensely.

Part 1
Tricking Your Brain

  1. Image titled Build Self Confidence Step 7
    Think positively. When it comes down to it, reality is perception. If you feel confident, you are. If life is falling apart around you but you don't notice, it's not really falling apart, now is it? So get on thinking those happier thoughts! You're not deluding yourself one way or another -- don't worry that you're being silly for thinking positively -- you're just taking control.
    • When you catch yourself thinking, "God, I'm so fat," STOP. Go back. Reframe. Say it again, only this time think, "I'm unhappy with my weight. What am I doing about it?" It doesn't have to be all sunshine and rainbows; you just have to be less hard on yourself.
    • Positive thinking leads to a positive, more confident disposition. You know what happens when you think negatively about yourself? It becomes habit and all of a sudden you're thinking negatively about everything. You become gossip-y and complain-y and one of those people that is always putting something else down. Gross.
  2. Image titled 12098 2
    Be grateful. Alright, so you've read the How to Think Positively article, too, and you're still at a loss? Then just start with being grateful. The more things you realize you have going for you the more you can sit back and go, "Huh. I guess life is pretty darn okay." The only sad part is how easily we forget what we have!
    • Seriously. You probably have working body parts, clothes on your back, talents (what are they?), people who love you, and a future, just for starters. That's the stuff most people have (or at least most people on wikiHow) -- what else do you have that's unique to you?
  3. Image titled Build Self Confidence Step 9
    Smile. There's a ton of argument on thought and behavior and what comes first. Turns out your mind actually takes cues from your body. So get to tricking your mind and smiling! Turns out smiling is the muscle equivalent of oatmeal. By the way, oatmeal is basically a miracle in food form. Here's why:[1]
    • Smiling releases endorphins and serotonin. If you force a smile, you will literally be happier. Not look happier, not seem happier, be happier.
    • Smiling reduces stress, lowers your blood pressure, and ups your immune system. Kinda like oatmeal, only calorie free and available everywhere.
    • Smiling makes us more attractive to others. Were you not sold before?
      • P.S. -- Happier people are, generally, more confident. That's the idea here. No room for worry when it's all good!
  4. Image titled 12098 4
    Switch up your environment. Think about the person you are at home, the person you are at school, the person you are at work, the person you are at your favorite cafe, etc. Probably not the same person, huh? Odds are that there's an environment or two where you feel more comfortable and more confident. So if you're in a place where you don't feel confident, get up and move!
    • Okay, so you can't get up in the middle of dinner and mince your way over to McDonald's unfortunately. But the next time you find yourself feeling not-so-great, think about where you are. Knowing it might be a cause of your environment and not you takes the pressure off!
  5. Image titled 12098 5
    Use visualization and deep breathing. This is more of an in-the-moment tip. When you're gearing up to talk to that cute boy or to give that speech, that's when you'll need to use these little tricks.
    • Visualize yourself doing awesome and it all going swimmingly. When you expect success, you might just get it. But when you expect to fail, you will.
    • Take a deep breath. When we breathe too quickly, our heart rates go up and our brains start thinking "fight or flight." You're just making yourself more nervous. Since you won't be attacking any wooly mammoths anytime soon, there's really no use for that.
  6. Image titled Be More Confident Step 1
    Self talk. Look yourself in the mirror and persuade yourself that you are you and that you ARE brilliant. Convince yourself that there is nothing for you to hide from except yourself. Make fierce and confident poses in the mirror, this will make you think positive!

Part 2
Working from the Outside In

  1. Image titled Be Yourself Step 2
    Dress sharp. How would you feel if you walked into Chez Moi in your penguin pajamas with a serious case of bedhead? Probably pretty self-conscious and awkward. Now how would you feel if you walked into the same place dressed in your Sunday best? Though the clothes don't make the (wo)man, they can make him/her feel like a million bucks.
    • It's a lot easier to feel good about ourselves when we think we look good. So take a shower, do your hair, wear clean clothes, and wear deodorant. Don't feel the need to bust out the prom attire, but do put a little effort in to feel put together.
  2. Image titled 12098 7
    Be aware of your posture. Find a room or an area full of people. 9 times out of 10 you're going to call the unconfident people based on how they're a little slouched over or how they're looking down. In fact, just mimicking them can put you in a more unconfident mood. So don't do it! Keep your chin up, your shoulders back, and walk like you own the joint. You're on public sidewalk most of the time anyway.
  3. Image titled 12098 8
    Work out. When we work out, we look better. When we look better, we feel better. But then there's also that working out releases endorphins, makes us feel productive, gives us energy, and basically just puts a pep in our step. And, oh yeah, it makes us healthy and live longer and stuff.
    • You don't have to be a marathon runner to reap the benefits of exercise. 30 minutes a day (even broken up into smaller chunks) is all you need to hop on the health train.
  4. Image titled 12098 9
    Wear color. There's a reason we wear black when we mourn: it reflects our mood. Humans have a huge association with color. If you're feeling a little down, throw on something bright. The little spike in pizzazz could be all your confidence needs.

Part 3
Practicing, Practicing, Practicing

  1. Image titled 12098 10
    Do something you're good at. And yes, you're good at something. Even if it's baking a cake, you're good at it. And you know it! When we do things we're good at, we feel a sense of pride and accomplishment. Confidence stems from there. And not only do it, but do it often. It'll remind you how awesome you are.
    • Being good at something, mastering a skill, gives us personality, gives us something to talk about, and makes us interesting in addition to giving us a sense of fulfillment. And did we mention doing things we're good at is fun? So what are you waiting for? Take a little me time and go do your thing.
  2. Image titled 12098 11
    Talk to everyone. Part of lacking confidence comes from not really understanding people. To get around this, talk to everyone. Even if it's just a remark about the bus, talk to everyone. Here's what you'll probably learn:
    • Most people are friendly enough. They're not out to get you or to judge you. In fact, they'll probably enjoy talking to you and you to them.
    • Most people don't like initiating either. They'll open up if you make the first move. They're just as nervous as you are to put yourself out there.
    • People get cliquey. They stick to what they know and they don't like to deviate much. This is boring. Don't do it. You'll learn so much more from people who are different than you.
  3. Image titled 12098 12
    Keep talking to everyone. Really. The more you talk to people the less scary it gets, the less you're concerned with what they think of you, the less you'll think about how great everyone is and the more you'll realize that most people are completely average. When no one else is a big deal, you have no reason to care so much about how you come off.
    • And the more you talk to people, the more you'll get down this socializing thing. It can be pretty intimidating, but won't be after 100 times of the exact same small talk you find over and over. Dunno how or where to start? Well, How to Be Extroverted, How to Be a Social Butterfly and How to Be Outgoing aren't terrible places.
  4. Image titled 12098 13
    Compliment others. Remember that positivity thing we talked about a while back? Turns out people like that. Let them know you're pretty good at it by complimenting them. It's sort of like "giving is better than receiving." It feels great to have someone make you feel good, but it feels even better knowing you helped someone else feel good about themselves.
    • And accept compliments graciously, too. A simple "thank you" is the best way to do this. Don't hem and haw or make excuses when someone is nice to you. That's modest, sure, but it's not really kind to the other person. Imagine if they gave you a gift and you were all, "No, no, I don't deserve this; take it back." Terrible!
      • That being said, keep your compliments genuine. Don't say it if you don't mean it.
  5. Image titled 12098 14
    Observe yourself and everyone around you. This is true for two reasons:
    • Observe yourself and others instead of judging. When you stop judging, the negativity stops. Your mind opens up and you can learn.
    • Observe yourself and others so you can learn. What makes others seem so confident? What makes you feel confident and not feel confident? What are your triggers and patterns?
  6. Image titled 12098 15
    Find real role models. Having someone to inspire you and your confidence can be a great boost. Just make sure the person is real -- aiming to be like Kim Kardashian is not a good idea. You want a source of positivity you can tap into when you need it.
    • Along with a real role model or mentor, keep a positive crowd of people around you. Being with people who try to bring you down (inadvertently or not) or force you to be someone you're not will never make you happy and isn't worth it, regardless of how pretty or rich or smart or whatever they are.
  7. Image titled 12098 16
    Be true to you. It's really hard to be confident when we're trying to be someone we're not. Not only do we have to remember to come off confident, but we have to remember who we're trying to be. Talk about exhausting. So cut out the middleman and just be you. So much easier.
    • You can't really be happy being something or someone you're not. You may see initial positivity from others around you (wearing clothes that make you fit in, etc.), but eventually that'll stop and you'll be left with what you think of you. So if there's a voice in you that's saying, "No thanks," listen to it. That's trust in yourself, that's doing your own thing -- that's confidence!


  • ALWAYS be honest and believe in yourself. If you don't no one else will.
  • Remember that everyone has fear. You are not alone.
  • Surround yourself with people you love and who make you confident. Don't settle for less. The biggest thing that will make you feel good about yourself is if you are in a place where people support you.
  • Sit tall with your shoulders back, and keep your head up!
  • Affirmations are very powerful and need to be spoken as though they have already happened. Say to yourself, "I am a very confident person, I can do anything if I put my mind to it."
  • Assume yourself equal to everyone in the audience.
  • Always keep a big smile on your face , this will make others feel that this guy/girl is confident about what she/he says.
  • Always make eye contact with the person you are talking to.
  • Always practice good hygiene!
  • Every evening just before you go to bed, think to yourself at least ten times, "I am a confident person." This leaves a positive frame of mind inside of you and will make you feel more confident the next day.
  • If anybody puts you down or makes fun of you, think it through and how silly the comment is. Make it feel like it's a joke and you won't take the comment seriously.
  • Do something which you are afraid to do such as driving a car, speaking to public etc.. As Vincent Van Gogh had said "If you hear a voice within you say "you cannot paint," then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced."
  • You are amazing just the way you are! Never forget this!
  • Be nice to others, and tolerate insults with a grain of salt.
  • Keep a picture of your favorite superhero hidden in your mobile phone files. Sneak peeks at the picture as you go about your day to remind you of how brave you want to be. Tell yourself, "I will survive, no matter what happens today!"
  • Don't let mean comments get in your way.
  • Smile at everyone! You'll feel positive & confident when they smile back.


  • Never be mean or put other people down to increase your own confidence, as people will start to dislike you.
  • Rather than making frantic efforts to "somehow feel confident" explore and care for your true self. Your true self is noble and dignified. Exploring and caring for your true self will ensure revitalization and the natural and full fledged emergence of feeling of confidence [Cf: Stress: Understanding and Management: Dr. Shriniwas Kashalikar]

Article Info

Categories: Building and Maintaining Self Confidence