How to Deal with Post Wedding Blues

You got married, congratulations! Now the festivities are over and the guests returned home. After all the planning and anticipation of your "big day", you might feel a bit lost right afterward. Here are some steps to help you overcome your blues.


  1. 1
    Understand that you are not alone. Many big life events - such as marriage, graduation, or a big, important exam - can give way to a sense of anti-climax after they are over. The more you have worked towards a certain day or event, the more likely this is to happen after it has passed. Give yourself a break if you think you are the worst spouse ever for feeling down.
  2. 2
    Honor your feelings. Your feelings are valid. You can be happy in your marriage and still feel sad that your wedding day is over or disappointment about things that didn't go according to your expectations. They are not mutually exclusive. You are entitled to feel sad over things that make you unhappy.
  3. 3
    Put things in perspective as much as possible. If you believe that getting married is the highest possible achievement in your life, you are likely to stay focused on your wedding for a very long time. Many women, especially, are taught from childhood, whether in a cultural or religious context, that they should (only) aspire to being someone's wife, someone's chosen bride. That they are only valuable if someone marries them, that it is a mark of "quality" or a badge of honor, that no other achievement in their life compares to getting married. This is usually untrue and can be downright damaging.
  4. 4
    Understand that your wedding or a marriage does not define your value as a person. Regardless of whether or not you are in a relationship and regardless of the commitment of your relationship, you have value as a human being. Your wedding is not the only important thing that will ever happen in your life, and it is not your only source of value and happiness. Your other ambitions and achievements are important, regardless of societal or cultural expectations of you. While a happy relationship is a great source of joy to many people, it is not the only thing that defines you. You have talents and skills that affect the lives of others in meaningful ways. You do not only exist through and for your spouse. This means that a celebration of your relationship is also not the single most defining moment of your life. It is one of many experiences you will share.
  5. 5
    Remember that no wedding in the history of the world has taken place exactly as planned. There are too many elements beyond your control. You planned it well, but you always have to rely on other people. It was, and is, a celebration of the love you and your spouse share. It is only the first day of the best time of your life. This is true, regardless of weather, cake, missing flowers, embarrassing speeches, or trip-ups down the aisle.
  6. 6
    Consider a partial "do-over". This can help a lot. Did something go differently from what you had planned? Did your officiant leave out a part of their speech or did your cake never arrive? Did your photographer not show up or fail to videotape the parts most important to you? You could have a follow-up celebration (on your wedding anniversary, for example), either just for the two of you, or including friends and family, especially those who might not have been able to attend. Book a photo-shoot with your spouse and get back into your wedding clothes (or wear a different, seasonal outfit) if you are sad about not having pictures. There are no ironclad rules on "how to get married properly". If it makes you happy, do it. It is not silly, or ungrateful. It is something that you care about, and that is okay.
  7. 7
    Remember that weddings are typically a lot more enjoyable for guests than for the bridal couple. Your wedding day most likely is not the most relaxed day of your life. It is a very stressful, adrenaline-filled day, which provides lots of happiness and love (since you see people who are close to your heart and they all show their love for you by participating), but which also exerts a lot of pressure. Depending on the chosen attire for your wedding, you might be uncomfortable in your clothes and glad to get out of that beautiful corseted gown you chose. Often times, you are so high-strung throughout the day that you will need photos and videos to remember the details of what happened and who was there. Do not be tempted to think "the best day of my life is over". Chances are, you might get less attention on another day, but be more at peace on a Sunday morning in bed with your spouse, or taking a walk or sharing a meal together.
  8. 8
    Consider your expectations for your relationship. If you thought your wedding would somehow deeply change the relationship to your spouse, understand that this is very unlikely. That is to say, if your relationship was not happy before, getting married will not make it so. If this is the source of your disappointment, there are things you can do: Finding a therapist or a counselor, whether alone or for you as a couple, can help a lot. Your relationship does not somehow take care of itself, married or not. It is a series of decisions on both partner's sides about how you wish to treat each other and how you want to live as individuals and as a couple. You can influence how your relationship develops by learning about its dynamics. It very much is a learning experience. Learning more helpful communication skills can make a huge difference.
  9. 9
    Think of all the things you overcame to get to where you are. You might have had to save a lot of money or live apart from your spouse due to work or schooling. You might have searched high and low for a place to live, or gone through a stressful move to live together. Be glad that all these things are done and you can enjoy some relief from the frantic planning and organizing to be together and actually share time with your spouse. If living together is disappointing to you and different from your expectations, check out some online resources such as advice columns, message boards, or wikiHow for some basic ideas on how to live together more comfortably.
  10. 10
    Look forward to the many things yet awaiting you. It could be your honeymoon, your first shared home, your first pet together, or your first child. You have so much to look forward to. Revel in the knowledge and security that your spouse wants to share their life with you and grow old together. Your wedding was only the beginning.
  11. 11
    Remind yourself of these things often. Once the razzle-dazzle of the wedding has died down, take your spouse out for a meal (or cook something, if you want to celebrate your newly won domesticity). Look for the beauty in your shared day-to-day life and celebrate your union by appreciating each other and the choice you both made to be together.
  12. 12
    Seek professional help. If the blues don't go away after a few weeks or is getting worse - it may be time to seek a professional counselor for yourself or a marriage counselor for the both of you.


  • You can celebrate being married over and over again. Make your anniversaries special, or renew your vows. As long as your are together, you have a reason to celebrate.

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Categories: Weddings