How to Deal With Losing a Friend

Losing a friend can be really tough, especially when it is through no fault of your own. Even though you might feel sad, realize that it's not the end of the world. You will get over it and you will make new friends. But if you really feel too sad to make new friends, try making up with the friend you lost. And always know that that friend was not a true friend anyway.


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    Take time to mourn over your loss. This big change in your daily life to not have that friend as a part of it. Cry, scream into a pillow, shout, hit the pillow, play the music at its loudest possible. Do whatever it takes to get the sadness, rage, anger, disappointment etc. out of your system. Let it out so that you can move on from these destructive feelings and so that you can cease to harbor negativity that you will continue to carry if you do not release it.
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    The person who has hurt you may claim that you have been the poor friend. Consider the possibility that you may have contributed to the situation. Be real with yourself. Were you a bad friend?
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    After giving yourself some time to grieve the friendship, stop thinking about it all of the time. It can drive you crazy. You may never know what happened, or why your friend let you down. You may never know why you didn't realize what kind of person this was in the first place. You may begin to fear making friends because of the risk that you will be betrayed again. It's time to stop these thoughts.
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    When you find that you are thinking about the person who has hurt you, stop immediately. Breathe in deeply, and use your inner voice to repeat something positive. For example, "I am a good person. The world is full of good things for me." Repeat this every time you find that you are thinking about the past.
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    Find a new hobby, activity or regular social event. Don't sit around and sob incessantly. Do something proactive and lively to distract your mind and soul. Quit moping and resume your path in life. Go shopping, treat yourself to an ice cream at your local restaurant, or go and play a sport. Take up a hobby or set yourself a challenge, such as a 5000 piece jigsaw or beating the computer at a game of chess.
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    Join a club. You will meet lots of new people and get heaps of new friends instantly.
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    Find a new friend. There is always someone new. Talk to people around school, college, work or your neighborhood. Talk to people that you have never really talked to before and you may be pleasantly surprised. Be nice and friendly, but don't be overly friendly the first time you approach them. Just go up and say "Hi" or something, and try to act casually. If you start talking to each other, don't act too eager to be friends too quickly. Just be yourself and stay casual. And take it calmly and slowly - simply because you have lost one friend doesn't mean you should rush out and find another replacement. Friendship develops over time and needs careful choices and good tending.
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    Avoid spending time thinking of ways to make your former friend jealous. This will only make you look sad and desperate and it only ever rebounds on yourself. Revenge fantasies might amuse your sorrowful side but they are a pure waste of energy and dig a deeper level of sadness and inaction for you. If you try to take revenge, it will be very hard if you want to make friends with him or her again. See step 1 again if you find yourself falling into this trap.
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    Keep a casual relationship with your former friend. When you see your former friend around, don't be sour or nasty. If he or she talks to you, don't ignore your former friend. Just say hi back and if you still don't want to have a long conversation, be polite and just excuse yourself. Having an appointment or a homework assignment to complete are good enough excuses.
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    Don't spread rumors about the person, or talk about them to everyone. Nobody will want to be your friend if they discover that you talk about people behind their backs. Badmouthing your friend also comes off as cheap and petty. Plus, you never fully let go of the old friendship that way, even if making the old friend look bad makes you feel better for a while.
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    Smile! Find things to smile about. Do something for someone, raise money for charity by doing a sponsored run, do things that make you happy again. Realize that you don't need this person to make you happy, and it is not the end of the world now that they have gone. It is one of life's lessons and there should be a kernel of wisdom in what happened for you to learn from.
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    Learn that your life isn't over - This is the most important lesson. Don't stop going out with other friends, or take it out on them. Carry on as if everything is normal, and it will feel normal. Soon you will forget all about this person, or at least, be able to think of them without loneliness, bitterness, or sadness.
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    Remember that with every ending, there is a new beginning. That means, there's time to get your life going in the direction you want. Pamper yourself and hang out with new interesting people.
    • The world may seem like its spinning out of control when you lose the best friend you have after an elongated friendship but it doesn't. You face a mutual agreement of keeping apart for a while but the real question is. Can you both face not facing each other? Do what you can to get over the feeling. It's what will keep you going in this life. Also, if a friends leaves you for a wrong reason, consider do you really want to be friends with that person?


  • If you still feel awkward a few days after your friend is missing from your life, don't worry, its OK. Its also OK to have them at the back of your mind, but just don't bring them up a lot.
  • Stay strong! If what this person did was bad, don't accept them back as a friend. If he or she begs or promises to be a good friend, stay firm unless you think this person has really changed or you feel it would be wrong not to. Don't be weak, you will just look and be treated like a doormat!
  • If you realize that they mainly use you to improve themselves , or try to make you feel bad for ending the friendship for your own good, don't let the feeling of remorse and the thought of going back go through your mind. It's not worth it for you to get hurt again and back into that painful cycle.
  • Don't let this person think that you are letting yourself go because you two aren't friends anymore. This is immature and self-destructive behavior that only impacts you and your future prospects for other friendships. People do not turn around and rescue wallowers, so try not to hold on to such a fantasy.
  • Don't let this friend know that you are upset because then he/she might think he/she has won. Or, your former friend may simply be irritated to think you still harbor a desire for friendship with them and may be provoked into spreading malicious gossip about you.
  • If it really will, then make friends with them again. If the fight was silly and you feel it was, it is possible they feel it was too. Start out by apologizing a few days after the fight and then leave them alone. You can do this any way, such as email or telephone. Do not retaliate. If they say no, you will know you did everything you could.
  • Be nice and find new friends and don't believe or follow any one blindly.
  • Make new friends you can trust and be comfortable around.
  • Don't forget to be friendly. Even if you aren't friends anymore, you should still be kind and polite.
  • Don't pin everything on yourself. Remember that it takes two to make any relationship work.
  • The person that hurt you was probably not your true friend anyway. Find new (and trusting) friends that can be there when you are down. Hopefully, you can forget the other friend and moved on. That might make your life easier.
  • Talk to your other friends or parents about the situation. They might be able to give you guidance or simply support you through it.
  • If your friend starts saying mean things to you after your fight, don't break down and show your weakness. Be as polite as possible, and tell them what they did wrong.

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Categories: Changing and Losing Friends