How to Deal With a Bad Kisser

Three Methods:Understanding the ProblemCorrecting The ProblemRemove Yourself From The Problem

So that new guy or girl in your life is just perfect. The only problem is that they are a terrible kisser! From the guy who draws blood with every kiss to the girl that makes the weird clicking sound when you lock lips, bad kissers are everywhere. For many of us, kissing is a very important part of a relationship and, unfortunately, the inability to deliver a passionate kiss (or worse, the ability to deliver a disgusting kiss) can be a deal breaker. Luckily, most bad kissers can become good kissers if you have a little patience, tact, and courage.

Method 1
Understanding the Problem

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    Figure out what it is that you don't like. Before you can encourage good kissing, you need to figure out what makes a kiss good for you. This can be difficult because we generally like different kinds of kisses at different times. If you have a hard time defining a good kiss, you probably won't have too much trouble determining what you don't like about your partner's kissing style. If you do end up having to talk to him or her about it, you don't want to just blurt out, "You're a bad kisser!" You want to offer constructive input.
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    Don't automatically assume the worst. Your partner may just have different tastes or style than you and could easily be "coached." Don't immediately assume they have no idea what to do.
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    Look at your own kissing history. Is the person really a bad kisser or are you just used to something else? When people get out of long-term relationships, they may just be comfortable with the way their ex kissed them. Just because somebody doesn't kiss you exactly like your old flame did, however, doesn't mean that he or she isn't good at it. Keep an open mind and give it a little time. You may come to like the way your new partner kisses.
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    Determine your attraction to them. Do you really like the person? If you don't feel passion for a person, anything they do can seem wrong. If you're still hung up on an old boyfriend or girlfriend, or if you're just not into someone, you have bigger issues to deal with.

Method 2
Correcting The Problem

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    Find out what your partner likes. It could be that you're part of the problem. For example, if you're more passive than your partner prefers, they might be kissing in an overly aggressive manner to give you a hint.
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    Communicate what you like. Your partner can't please you if they don't know what you want. Urge your partner on in the good moments. Try telling him or her that you love it when he or she kisses you like they really want you. Say it even if they don't actually do what you like. Just telling the person what you like will reinforce that idea in his or her head.
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    Set a good example. Try to kiss the person like you want to be kissed. Kissing is an interactive experience, and each partner needs to follow the other's lead at some time. When it's your turn to lead, make it count. This can be an especially useful technique if your partner doesn't have much kissing experience or isn't sure he or she is doing it right.
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    Slow down. Remember the pleasure of kissing itself by pulling back a little. Slow down and go back to simple closed-mouth kisses. Gradually work to your comfort zone and see if there is a change.
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    Experiment together. Trying new things keeps a make-out session interesting. If you see a great kiss in a movie, for example, mention that you'd really like to try kissing like that. Be as specific as you feel you need to be. It is possible that you both are overly aggressive or stuck in a routine you prefer. Experiment and you both might find something new to enjoy.
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    Give your partner signals. When your partner kisses you in a way that you really don't like, don't be afraid to pull away. Use body language, and hope he or she gets the hint. Even more importantly, when your partner does something you like, let him or her know. Moan softly, hold them closer, melt in his or her arms. Most bad kissers aren't bad all the time, so you should have opportunities to reward them for a job well done. Keep reinforcing what you like and discouraging what you don't, and your bad kisser may become a good kisser without you ever having to say a word about it.
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    Be patient. Sometimes all your partner needs is a little practice. As long as you have been upfront and honest about what you want, you can keep practicing until you both get it right.

Method 3
Remove Yourself From The Problem

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    Make up a reason to get away. You don't want to do this to someone you're in a relationship with or with whom you want to pursue a relationship. However, if you're just looking for something casual and that guy or girl at the bar just gave you a horrible kiss, don't mess around. Say you're feeling tired, or you have to go with your friends. You can always say, "Yuck," but you probably don't want to offend and embarrass someone.
    • Alternatively, you can pull away from the kiss. Look the person in the eyes, and say something like, "This is how I like a kiss." Then kiss that person as you would want to be kissed. You may offend the person and that's why you need a little more patience if you're already in a relationship with someone you care about. However, this is a way to either get what you want or get rid of them.
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    Have a talk. When subtle hints fail, it's time to bring it out in the open. This is an uncomfortable talk to have, but it needs to be done if you care about the relationship. Communication is essential to any relationship, so don't be afraid to tell the person how you feel. Be tactful about it and compliment your partner on what he or she does right. Don't make blanket statements. Instead, address specific issues so that your partner will know you're not just being mean and so they can actually work on improving.
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    Look at ultimatum options. In the worst case scenario, you have two choices: lower your standards or break up with the bad kisser. If the person is wonderful in all other respects and if kissing just isn't that important to you, just live with it. If you really need a good kisser, you have to end the relationship. If you try to communicate your needs early and the person still doesn't adapt, they probably won't be responsive to your needs in other areas either and won't make a good long-term partner for you anyway. It's hard to break up with someone, but remember that you'll be better off and, hopefully, that person will also finally take the hint and become a better partner for someone in the future.


  • The first kiss can make a big impression, and some people aren't willing to even try to develop a relationship with a bad kisser. If you're one of these people, keep in mind that bad kissing doesn't have to be a lifelong affliction if you're willing to help your partner out. If you dismiss someone because of one bad kiss, you could be missing out on a great relationship. That said, it is sometimes the case that bad kissing is just a symptom of a person who won't be a responsive, attentive partner anyway, and he or she may be just as bad at other important things as well. Try to consider how much kissing experience the person has. If you can chalk up the bad kissing to inexperience, there's probably hope, but if the person has had plenty of time and partners to figure it out, you're probably at a dead end.
  • Be honest!! Don't treat them like a project, but act a little like the teacher.
  • The quality of the kiss may vary based on the situation you and your partner are in. If your partner is shy in public, then a public kiss might not be as fulfilling as one in private. Other actions (including sex) might cause your partner's attention to be directed away from the kiss, and thus cause it to deteriorate in quality. Either way, decide which is more important and focus on improving that aspect.
  • A good way to open the door to communication is to ask them if there's anything YOU can do better or anything they'd like you to try. You might learn something and they may very well follow with asking you the same question. Even if they don't, people are usually a little more receptive when you're not coming across as superior. Say, "I love it when you do this... but I'm not sure how I feel about..."
  • Next time you're in front of your computer with your partner, casually decide to look at some wikiHow articles. Check out a variety of things, and then have a look at some articles on kissing, like How to Kiss or How to French Kiss. Don't let on why you want to look at the articles and have fun reading them together, joking and kissing. This is a great opportunity to mention things you like or don't like. Be sure not to read this article though!
  • Help her out. She might not know that she is a bad kisser, but probably does not want to know in public either.
  • Playfully giving your partner an exaggerated version of his/her style of kiss may help him/her to realize what it is he/she is doing wrong, and provides a reason for both of you to laugh. This can work out to be an intimate moment, pleasant memory and a means of easing the tension of learning your likes/dislikes.
  • Be proactive. Don't wait for months or years to address the kissing problem. The longer you wait, the harder it will be for you to bring it up and the harder it will be for your partner to change his or her ways.


  • Always be tactful and nice about telling someone what you like and don't like about their kissing. This can be a very sensitive subject, and your partner may become anxious or feel threatened or hurt--sometimes to the point that they will want to break up with you.

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