How to Cope when Your Friend Dumps You

Three Methods:Dealing with EmotionsTaking Care of YourselfLearning from Experience

Being dumped by a friend always hurts, especially if you don't know the reason why. You're probably feeling a range of emotions, including sadness and anger, and it may seem impossible to ever get over the pain. However it's important to remember that getting rejected by a friend isn't the end of the world. You just need to give yourself time to process your feelings and learn from the experience.

Method 1
Dealing with Emotions

  1. 1
    Acknowledge your feelings. The first step in moving past the loss of a friend is getting in touch with how you feel. There is usually sadness, but you may feel anger, betrayal, and/or guilt as well. It's okay to feel all of those things, but you have acknowledge the emotions if want to learn and move on from the experience.[1]
    • If you’re having a difficult time accessing your feelings, try looking at old photos of you and your friend in happier times or read texts, emails, or cards that she sent.
    • Listening to songs that you remind of your friend may help you acknowledge your feelings too.
    • Visiting a favorite restaurant, coffee shop, or store that you used to go to with your friend can also help evoke memories of your friendship.
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    Avoid blocking off your emotions. Sometimes, when you’re hurting over the loss of a friendship, you may try to numb yourself to the pain. But trying to block out your true feelings means that you can never really process them and move on. Allow yourself to feel the hurt and anger that your friend has caused, so you can work through them.[2]
    • Don't be embarrassed to cry over the loss of a friendship; it can be just as upsetting as the end of a romantic relationship, so it's normal to have an emotional reaction.
    • If you aren't sure how to express your emotions, using a journal to write down how you feel can be very helpful.
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    Talk to someone. In many cases, just acknowledging how you feel about the loss of your friend isn’t enough to help you get through the pain. Discussing the situation with another friend or a family member who you trust may give you better insight into what happened, and allow you to begin to move on.[3]
    • If you don’t have a friend or relative that you feel comfortable talking with or you’re feeling particularly upset by the loss of your friend, you may want to speak to a counselor or mental health care professional. Not only can they provide an objective perspective on what happened, they’ll be able to provide expert tips on how to handle your anger and depression.
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    Write a goodbye letter. This may seem obvious, but if you don’t actually say goodbye to your friendship, it can be difficult to get closure. Actually seeing or calling your friend again can be awkward and uncomfortable, though, so writing a letter can be a good alternative. You can take some time to really think about what you want to say, without worrying about being interrupted.[4]
    • You don’t actually have to send the letter to your friend. Think of it more as a therapeutic way to bid farewell to the friendship, and write it for yourself instead of your friend.
  5. 5
    Get rid of reminders. It helps to find a personal way to mourn the relationship, so you can begin to move on. Having reminders of your friend around after the friendship is over can be painful, so it can be a good idea to get rid of them to give yourself a fresh start. It's also an effective way to help yourself accept that the relationship is over.[5]
    • You can get rid of anything that reminds you of your friend, including photos, cards, clothing, jewelry, and other gifts that she may have given you.
    • Don't just toss the reminders of your friendship in the trash if you want to get rid of them. If the items are in good shape, consider donating them to a local charity, so you can feel like something good is coming out of the end of your friendship. Clothing is an especially good item to donate.

Method 2
Taking Care of Yourself

  1. 1
    Get enough sleep. When you’re upset over the loss of a friend, you may find it difficult to get a good night’s sleep, but the lack of quality rest can leave you irritable and make it harder for you to deal with your feelings.[6] Try going to bed a little earlier in case you do have trouble falling asleep and need extra time to get your rest.
    • Ensure a night of good sleep by making your bedroom as comfortable as possible, with room-darkening window shades, earplugs, and new bedding.[7]
    • Avoid caffeinated beverages such as coffee and soda for a few hours before you go to bed for better sleep.
  2. 2
    Avoid social media. We all love Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and other social media apps, so it may be difficult, but you don’t want to be obsessively stalking your former friend’s accounts. Not only will it hurt you to see photos and updates of things going on in her life that you aren’t involved in, but it may be even worse if you discover that she’s blocked or unfriended you. Take a small break from your accounts until you’re feeling like you’ve processed the end of the relationship better.[8]
    • It can be tempting, but try not to post a rant against your former friend on social media. Airing your problems in a public space can make you appear petty, and isn’t going to help resurrect your friendship.
  3. 3
    Find new activities. Keeping busy can help distract you from the loss of your friendship, so it helps to fill the time that you used to spend with your friend with new hobbies or activities. If you always met your friend for lunch on Fridays, start visiting the gym instead. If you usually went to the movies with her on weekends, take a trip to the mall instead.[9]
    • Consider looking for activities that allow you to meet new people. You might sign up for a cooking class or join a softball league, so you can make new friends who share similar interests.
  4. 4
    Treat yourself. When you're upset over the end of a friendship, you can help yourself heal by pampering yourself a little bit. Find activities that are calming and soothing, so you can do something just for you.[10]
    • A spa day can be a great pick-me-up. Get a facial, massage, manicure, or pedicure, and try to focus on yourself. If you're on a budget, even a spa day at home with a bubble bath can lift your spirits.
    • Go shopping and buy yourself those shoes or sunglasses that you've been wanting for a while.
    • Plan a movie marathon of all your favorites films, complete with popcorn and candy.
    • Have a nice meal at restaurant that you've been dying to try.
    • Even something simple like indulging in an ice cream cone or smoothie can help boost your mood.
  5. 5
    Make a run-in plan. When you’re trying to deal with the hurt of your lost friendship, having an unexpected meeting with your former friend can be very upsetting. That’s why it helps to come up with a plan for how you’ll handle it if you do run into her. Only you can decide the best way to handle the situation, but no matter what you choose, come up with a plan so you’re not caught off-guard.[11]
    • If you're not sure that you can control your emotions, ignoring your friend may be the best option. Just turn and walk in the other direction, so you don't feel uncomfortable.
    • If you don't want to walk away, you can just offer up a polite hello and move along. That can help show your friend that you're starting to move on.
    • If you feel like you can't get closure until you tell your friend how much she hurt you, go for it. Just try to remain calm and avoid yelling or berating your friend. The point is to get your emotions across without attacking her, so start your sentences with "I" instead of "you"," and be ready to walk away if she's not receptive.

Method 3
Learning from Experience

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    Try to find a reason. If you want to prevent other friendships from falling apart, it helps to know why your friend no longer wants to be part of your life. There are many reasons why a friendship ends, so you may need to speak to other friends to help get some perspective on where the relationship went wrong.[12]
    • Many friendships end because of a specific act or betrayal, such as hooking up with a friend’s significant other. It doesn’t need to be such a serious breach of trust, though. If you’re constantly late for plans or always cancel at the last minute, a friend might decide that she’s had enough too.
    • Some friends simply drift apart over time because they no longer share common interests or circumstances. For example, if you and your friend met in school and you’re longer students, the relationship may not work as well.
    • Significant changes in you and your friend’s lifestyles can cause a relationship to end. If your friend has settled down and gotten married and you’re still happily single, you two may not be compatible anymore.
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    Look for patterns. Don’t just analyze the friendship that ended; examine all of the relationships in your life to see if similar issues have cropped up before. That will help you identify problems that you may want to work on when it comes to other friendships.[13]
    • If you’re having trouble finding patterns -- or don’t know what to do about them -- it can help to speak to a therapist or counselor.
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    Accept your role in the breakup. When you’re hurt and angry about the end of a friendship, it’s human nature to want to place all of the blame on the friend who dumped you. But if you want have better, healthier friendships in the future, it helps to acknowledge how you may have contributed to the end of the relationship.
    • Don’t be too hard on yourself if you made mistakes in the friendship. Instead, make an effort to learn from them.


  • Hang onto the good memories that you shared with your friend after the friendship ends. They were an important part of your life, and shouldn’t lose their meaning just because the relationship is over.
  • Try to think as positively as possible throughout the mourning process, especially when it comes to yourself. In some cases, the end of the friendship may be more about your friend that it is about you, so you shouldn’t beat yourself up.


  • Don’t let one bad experience with a friend turn you off to other relationships in the future. It can actually help you be smarter and stronger going forward.

Article Info

Categories: Changing and Losing Friends