How to Control Your Emotions in a Long Distance Relationship

There are many many helpful articles around and out there that have fantastic advise on how to deal with long-distance relationships, but not many that really go into how difficult and challenging long-distance relationships can really be on both you and your partner's emotions. There are ways you can emotionally and mentally as well as physically ease your emotions and take pressure off of the relationship, so both of you can focus on the positives of the relationship instead of the negatives.


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    Be sure to communicate well with each other. Article after article will explain how communication is essential to any relationship, even more so to a long-distance one, and that advice is possibly the best to give. Being without a loved one can be emotionally draining and tiring, so telling your partner how much you love them, miss them and want to see them regularly is essential to your relationship.
    • They no doubt feel exactly the same way, so never feel like you are the alone one and that this relationship isn't as hard for them as it is for you. It will help to ease your emotions and to put nagging and doubtful thoughts to rest. You are loved and so are they, even when you don't talk 24/7.
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    Make plans to see each other and keep in touch with them. Planning your next visit will give you both something to focus on and talk about positively, getting rid of the negative feelings for both of you when you start dreaming of that day when you'll see them again. It will lift both of your spirits and generally put you in a better mood than if you hadn't planned another visit to see them. Even looking up train times or chatting about when they are next free will banish negative thoughts of "I'm never seeing them again", and cause you both to focus on the fun you will have when together again.
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    Don't blame yourself for feeling negative sometimes. Sitting around feeling like the world has ended without your partner is a common and normal feeling, so never feel like you're feeling awful for no reason or that you should start blaming yourself; your partner is most likely feeling exactly the same way, especially if they are sitting around at home too, miles away.
    • Talk to family and friends, write your feelings down in a poem or a letter or an email, and address them to your partner if you wish. That way, if you send them to your partner, he/she will really know how you are feeling and respect how honest you are being. Again, their feelings most likely match yours!
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    Get active and creative. There is nothing worse than sitting around feeling alone and sad without your partner, especially when your partner is the busy one. Say he/she has a new job and they are extremely busy day to day. You have arranged time to speak to each other but that's hours away, and you genuinely don't know what to do with yourself for the most part of the week, the day, even the morning.
    • Instead of wallowing in sorrow (which is so easy to do), take the time to get into a new hobby, a new career move, even a walk now and then, seeing friends or offering a neighbour babysitting services, the list is endless. Getting out and about, interacting with others will stop the self-pity and help you to feel happier day to day until the arranged time talking to your partner comes about, and it will come sooner than you think if you fill your days with things to do as opposed to doing absolutely nothing.
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    Don't worry about what others are saying. Advice from other people, family and friends, on the whole, can be extremely helpful and honest, so by all means, when there are 'down days' in your week, go to them and ask for a friendly chat and a hug.
    • But never let what they say (if they seem concerned, like it won't work, it isn't working, or that you're having problems), affect how you feel about the relationship. It is your relationship, not theirs. They are probably only worrying so much because they care, they wouldn't want you to be unhappy whatever your situation.
    • Tell them you are on great terms with your partner but that the distance just makes it hard. Being honest with them and telling them how you feel is far better than holding it against them and not letting go of a grudge, which will ultimately grow and effect you both even more.
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    Believe in the relationship. It is your relationship and you've both invested your time, effort and feelings, so whenever you feel a bad mood coming on, remind yourself how much you love them and how thankful you are for you partner. Never forget that you are both strong enough to be in this relationship, and everything will eventually work out for the best. If you are having the worst down day ever, it is never too late to pick yourself back up again out of your stupor.
    • Believe in the hope and love you both have, and the trust you share. Also, believe in the promises you have made to each other if the relationship is that serious. Think about how far you have come in the relationship and stamp out those bad feelings; tell yourself they aren't welcome and that while you have every right to miss your partner, don't miss out on them personally because all you talk about is how upset you are all the time.


  • Focus on how you feel when you're with them, instead of how painful it is without them. Daydreaming, story-telling to others, even looking at a picture and remembering how you felt when you took it. This will reduce negative thoughts and put a smile on your face and the warm fuzzy feeling in your heart.
  • Never feel like the relationship isn't working if something has gone wrong, or you haven't heard from your partner for a day or two. It doesn't mean they aren't thinking of you or wishing you were there with them; just arrange a time to talk and catch up.
  • Write an article (like this one), offering tips and advice to others about how to deal with their relationships, talking about your own experiences and what you've found personally helpful. It will allow you to read back what you've written and maybe take advice from yourself and to self-reflect, a great achievement!
  • Feel positive about the relationship. Remind yourself and your partner that long-distance relationships are hard, and you both have done incredibly well, however long your relationship has been going on.


  • The only real warning of possible danger is to not overdo it, or over think. The mind is extremely complicated and one little thought can spiral out of control, causing a simple misunderstanding between you and your partner to seem like the worst possible conversation in history. They love you, you love them, and you are capable and strong enough to talk things through.

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Categories: Long Distance Relationships