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How to Choose Between Two Girls

Three Parts:Weighing the OptionsMaking the DecisionTelling the Girls

So, you like two girls. Maybe you are going out with one of them; maybe they both like you; and maybe neither of them like you. If both girls like you, then they are waiting for you to make up your mind about which one you want to be with. Take it seriously. Choose one before you lose both.

Part 1
Weighing the Options

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    Consider what you're looking for. Ask yourself whether you seek something serious or something casual. Do you want a hookup situation, or a steady girlfriend, or a long-term partner? Think about where you are in life, and what your goals are beyond these two girls. It can be easy to let your judgment be clouded by passion. It may help to take a step back from the girls in order to understand what you're really after.
    • Maybe you need to focus on your career right now. Maybe you need a certain stability or casualness that only one of these girls can provide. What do you need?
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    Analyze your relationship with each girl. Think about what they have in common, and try to understand how they're different. Consider what each of these girls offers, and envision how each of them makes you feel. If you're going to choose, you need to fully understand your choices.[1]
    • Consider which girl you have better conversations with. Consider who is the most fun, and who inspires you to try new things. Perhaps you enjoy being with one girl more than the other.
    • Think about which girl you can trust. Maybe one girl is a lot of fun, but you can't see yourself building a relationship with her. You may need to consider whether you want something more stable or something more exciting.
    • Determine whether you communicate better with one girl or the other. Communication is incredibly important in any relationship, and you may want to choose the girl with whom you can speak most truthfully.
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    Notice how each girl makes you feel about yourself. Perhaps one girl makes you feel strong, capable, and worthy, while the other girl belittles you and makes you feel like a stranger to yourself. Maybe one lady makes you feel happy and carefree, while the other only stresses you out. Look for the changes in your own personality when you spend time with each of these girls. Consider which aspects of yourself you want to feed.[2]
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    Be honest with yourself. If you can't bring yourself to give a definitive "Yes!" to either girl, then perhaps you shouldn't be getting serious with either of them. You don't need to force a serious relationship, of course, but it's important to understand why you're having so much trouble choosing.[3]
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    Look for alternative options. Maybe neither girl is looking for an exclusive relationship, or maybe one of the girls isn't even interested in you! This doesn't mean that you should "play" the girls at the same time; only that the situation might be simpler or stranger than you think. Try talking to the girls (individually) to better understand what they're looking for.
    • Don't be afraid to think outside the box. There are many ways to make relationships work. The important thing is that everyone's on the same page, and that you aren't hurting anyone's feelings.

Part 2
Making the Decision

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    Make a list. Set up one column for each girl, and list as many good qualities as you can think of. If you find any qualities that both girls share, cross them off the list. Review the unique qualities, and compare which ones you like best. The girl with the most and best unique qualities may well be the one you should choose. Consider also listing negative qualities; the girl with the fewest bad qualities might also be the girl to choose.
    • Good qualities might include: fun to hang out with; great conversations; amazing lover; good listener; trustworthy; intelligent; jaw-droppingly beautiful; gets along well with your friends; lives in the same area; loves to travel; makes you smile.
    • Bad qualities might include: quick temper; different values; not a resounding "Yes!"; not your "type"; lives far away; poor physical connection; stresses you out.
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    Listen to your heart. Remember that the list is just a tool. Don't make your decision based on a number; instead, use the number to better understand how you feel. One girl might look great on paper, but that doesn't mean that you feel passionately about her. If the numbers don't feel right, then maybe they aren't right. Once you've listed all of the good and bad qualities, take the time to think about how much you realistically like each girl. Let your passion guide you.[4]
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    Take your time, but don't wait too long. It's important to be sure in your decision. However: if you keep these two girls waiting in limbo for too long, then you might wind up losing both of them. Try to make your decision as soon as possible so that you can clear everything up. The situation will be much simpler once you've chosen a girl (or chosen not to pursue either of them) and made your peace with the girl you didn't choose.
    • The exact time is dependent on your exact situation. If you're seeing these two girls every day, then your decision is urgent. Are you prepared to run into both of them at the same time?
    • Remember that these are human beings with real feelings. It isn't fair to string them along just because you like to keep your options open – unless, of course, they are doing the same, and they're fully aware of the situation. Think about how you'd like to be treated in this situation.
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    Choose a girl. If both of these ladies are equally amazing, it might never feel like the "right" choice – but you will eventually need to make a decision if you want to keep either of them. The honest road can be the hardest road, but it may also be incredibly rewarding. Make your choice, tell the girls, and simplify your life. Ask yourself which girl you'd most regret letting go.
    • Consider talking it over with friends and family. If you can't decide, you might need some outside input from someone who's seen you with both girls.[5]

Part 3
Telling the Girls

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    Be direct. This means that you need to be honest and clear with the girl that you have chosen – as well as the girl you have not. If you aren't clear, things can get messy, and you may as well not have chosen. Don't leave anything hanging. If you want to proceed wholeheartedly with one girl, you'll need to close the other door.
    • Consider writing down your thoughts beforehand, or practicing your speech with a friend. If you aren't sure what to say, it might help to prepare.
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    Let down the girl that you didn't choose. It's important to tell this girl first if you want to make a clean break. You may have made your decision on paper, but it won't become real until you put it into action. This is especially important if the girl you choose knows about the girl you didn't choose. It will add weight to your profession of love (or commitment, or exclusivity) if you can prove to her that you have cut off your relationship with the other girl.
    • You might be tempted to first profess your love for the girl you have chosen, for the sake of contingency: in case she says no, you can always choose Girl Number Two. Consider, however, whether you will truly be happy going with your "second choice". Better to be with someone wholeheartedly, even if that someone is neither of these two girls.
    • Letting this girl down will force you to confront your feelings for both girls. Perhaps, in the moment, you'll decide that the girl you "didn't choose" is actually the girl for you. Perhaps you'll relapse and spend the night with her, and this will give you the resolve you need to cut things off for good. No matter the situation, this may help keep you from breaking any promises to the other girl.
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    Tell the girl you've chosen. Once you've tied up your romantic loose ends, you're free to focus on your relationship with this one girl. Be simple, honest, and pure. Tell her exactly what you want from her, and tell her that she's the only one you want – provided that you are, indeed, prepared to commit to her and only her for the time being.
    • Take it slowly. If you've had this much trouble choosing between the two girls, you might need to give yourself some time to adjust. Don't expect to leap into a deep, committed relationship; let things unfold naturally.
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    Be firm in your choice. Stick with the decision you make, and don't waste time second-guessing yourself. If you break your promises, then neither of the girls will trust you – and word might get around! Do not flip-flop between the women, and do not go back on your decision unless you are absolutely sure that it's the right choice. Remember the adage: actions speak louder than words.


  • Consider your decision carefully, make sure you don't rush to your decision.
  • Pick the one you feel more comfortable around.
  • Be ready to live with your decision, if you choose one, you probably will never get the chance to go out with the other if you chose wrong. Think long and hard.
  • Don't choose both girls. You will become entangled.
  • If you aren't satisfied with the steps above, pick whichever girl you have the most in common with.
  • Let the other girl down easy. Talk to her and explain the predicament. The worst thing you can do is ignore her or bottle the feelings.
  • If you've chosen already and believe you have chosen wrongly, go back and fix your mistakes. It'll take some time and some bonding, but you'll be better for it.
  • Not all girls are the same, some may fall for stupid silly tricks, some may not.
  • When you go to sleep, think of them and try to remember them smiling. Choose the one you were thinking of before you fell asleep. If you cant remember just try again.
  • You should choose the girl that will make you feel better in the long run.
  • Don't stress about it. They will be able to see that you are worrying/stressing over it.
  • Pick the one your more comfortable with, because the in the end you don't want to be stuck with a girl that your not able to be yourself around.
  • There will be one which you have a stronger bond with. She should be the one.
  • Ask their friends if they like you.


  • Don't think things are going to work themselves out if you wait out the situation. All this will do is cause you to lose both girls.
  • Don't let the girls know you are observing them for unique traits! They will certainly put on a show if they know you are watching. You need to determine their real qualities.
  • Don't cheat on them! You might hurt a lot of feelings—and ruin your reputation—if you try to date both girls at the same time.
  • It's tricky to balance strong feelings for one person while you're going out with someone else. It may ruin the relationship you do have.
  • You're unlikely to be able to see both of them at the same time. If you play with both, you may lose them both. Don't lose both girls needlessly, when one will do.
  • If you actually say "I can't bear to live without you", make sure you say it seriously. Otherwise, they might laugh.

Article Info

Categories: Commitment Issues