How to Call "Seat Check"

All over the world, people attempt to use the social tool "seat check" to secure their seat while getting a drink, running to the bathroom, etc.Unfortunately, these people are not familiar with the nuances and specifications of seat check, leading to futile arguments that usually end with the bigger man taking the seat by force. Luckily, you have come across a comprehensive guide to this subtle art. Feel free to use this to settle all future disputes.

Steps

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    Decide to leave your seat and recognize the need to seat check. Many people do not realize this, but the purpose of the seat check is to prove that you realize that your seat must be protected and establish "dibs" (and therefore the moral high ground). Therefore, you must call seat check BEFORE leaving your seat. Attempting to call it from across the room or after you have stood up, as someone rushes into it is extremely lame and forfeits the entire point of the check.
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    Make sure that at least two people hear you call seat check. You don't need to disturb the conversation, but mumbling it under your breath doesn't do any good, as people will question whether you called it at all.
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    Seat check does have certain limitations. It was designed so that you can grab a pop or run to the bathroom without someone sliding in right behind you. Don't expect to be covered if you are leaving the house or otherwise will be gone for more than 10 minutes. Similarly, taking another seat or joining a different conversation automatically voids the seat check.
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    Upon returning to your seat, you will find it either occupied or unoccupied. If it is unoccupied, return calmly. If it is occupied, don't freak out. It is perfectly acceptable for someone to use your seat while you are gone, and in most cases they will happily move once they realize that you are back. If they do not, continue to steps #5-#8
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    Explain that you called seat check.
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    If they do not move or don't believe you, consult your witnesses.
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    If your witnesses corroborate and they still do not move, explain that they are being lame and that you would never do such a thing for them. Be sure the rest of the room knows what's going on.
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    If they still don't move, find another seat/stand. You may not have your seat, but you were the bigger man and definitely earned morale points with the rest of the room.
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    NOTE: Seat check also applies if called for any seat of mobile vehicles if said person is sitting in the seat. Though, these rules apply going to the next ride in the car only. Seat Check MUST be called BEFORE the leaving of car. Seat Check over rides shotgun if called.

Tips

  • If you have failed to honor a seat check, the person has the right to a punch you until you remove yourself from the seat.
  • If you are in a situation where the "seat" can be moved (such as a table and chair arrangement) and your friends are into technicalities, it might be a good idea to call "spot check" instead. It's usually not necessary, but better safe than sorry.
  • Tricking a person into leaving their seat is fairly lame unless they have done a similar thing to you in the past. Use it sparingly.
  • Most notably, seat check does not apply to girls unless the girl in question specifically states otherwise. Be a gentleman and give up your seat.
  • There are several exceptions to the rules above:
  • If you got up to get something for someone else in the room, the seat check rules are relaxed as a courtesy. It's still a good idea to call it, but mistakes should be forgiven.
  • "Seat Check" can also be pronounced "Shotties" or "No Gangsta Boogie"
  • Seat check can be called in Christmas' truck without having previously been seated in said truck.

Warnings

  • To be safe you should be touching the seat when you call Seat Check or your seat may be taken.

Article Info

Categories: Cars