How to Be the Type of Nerd That Girls Love

Are you a male nerd? Good for you. There are many great things about being a nerd. The ability to silence most mortals with a single paragraph is not to be sniffed at and your extensive knowledge of Star Wars isn't too shabby either. Unfortunately, sometimes, nerds have trouble with girls. You don't want to change yourself but you don't want to be a date free zone either. Well don't worry - just read this article and transform yourself into the type of nerd that girls love!


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    Be sweet. Many girls find sweet guys irresistible. This doesn't mean that you are sweet to the point of buying things to get the attention of others or sacrificing your needs and self-development for those of others. It's also possible to be sweet AND fun by being someone who knows how to playfully tease girls. Being cocky is less likely to impress nerdy girls than it is to impress average girls. Don't feel you have to act cocky. Nerdy girls will love it when you share your nerdy knowledge with them. Alternatively...
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    Be confident. Think you're going to ace the next test? DO NOT preach it! It will only make you seem arrogant. However, don't say you're going to fail it. One of the best ways to appear humble AND confident at the same time is to be the leader and help others if they're having a hard time. Nerdy girls will notice when you are the take-charge leader. Being the expert and having the confidence to show others is a real plus in the eyes of women. Make sure you let them see you in the role of leader or expert.
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    Branch out. Don't stay stuck inside your friendship circle - branch out! Try talking to other people or helping other students with schoolwork. Become a tutor! You don't have to stop talking to your regular friends or change your personality - just step out of your comfort zone. This will ensure that you are more noticeable.
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    Be nice. Be as nice as you can to everybody - not just girls. Help people when they ask you, but do not sacrifice your own interests or plans for others. If you never get to experience your own life and are always concerned about being what other people want you to be you will become a bitter, incomplete person. Being a complete person with their own, full life helps you become a generally pleasant person. Girls love nice guys - and this will probably increase your popularity rating too (obviously not applicable if you are choosing to be mean). But watch out! Niceness is great for being popular with girls but does not create attraction; it's simply a "nice to have." You'll have to use fun, flirting, physical action, and some of the others on this list like confidence when it comes time to establish a romantic relationship rather than a platonic relationship
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    Improve your appearance. Looks most definitely aren't everything, but it'll help if you look your best. Look after your skin: cleanse and moisturize every single day. No - it's not just for girls; and yes - it is worth the time and effort to make your skin look its best! Additionally, many women know that there are certain haircuts that work for the shape of their heads. This is also great advice for men. If you wear the same clothes everyday or are living in a world of high collared shirts, try relaxing your look or just cleaning it up a little. Try to match colors when wearing a full outfit, and always make sure you wear clean clothes. Never wear socks with trousers tucked in, and no open shirts, it is not a good look. Shower every day, wash your hair frequently and try to avoid bad breath. Shave, geek stubble is not cool (and if you are unfortunately one of those males who has sideburns, shave them too). Avoid the so-called "neck beard". It may be a good idea to avoid facial hair altogether if you have a youngish or broad face. This may seem trivial and pointless but it's worth everything to get you looking, smelling and feeling like the type of guy that girls love! If you wear glasses, get stylish looking glasses or consider wearing contacts. Try to avoid geeky shirts that are related to comic books, video games, anime, Star Wars, computers, internet memes; stuff that obviously make you geeky (Unless you're going for a girl that's into that stuff, in which case do wear those shirts. They'll see that you have something in common and you'll have something to build a conversation around.)
    1. Avoid any dress that is too conspicuously stylish because you are not yet at the confidence level to carry it off. Don't do bow ties just because you've probably heard "Bow ties are cool". Stay away from fedora or trilby hats as they've acquired a disreputable "hipster" image of late. They really only look right on mature looking men who are dressed properly. Just go with clean, neat clothes that look nice and understated. In other words, don't wear a tuxedo or an Armani suit to a sports bar or a coffee shop. You may be the best dressed person in the place, but you'll also look like you're "trying too hard."
    2. Lose the goth garb and avoid long coats. Don't dress in all black. Don't wear socks with Birkenstocks. Don't get any body piercings or tattoos if you hadn't "seriously" considered it before. Don't try to be edgy or quirky in your look. Just go for a down to earth look.
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    Find something you enjoy. Don't lie to yourself, but see if there is a band or sport that is popular that you enjoy. This is a good way to make new friends because you will have something to talk about.
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    Realize that girls are people too. If you're nervous about talking to a girl, it's not unlikely that she feels equally nervous about approaching you.


  • Be a gentleman! You'll be surprised how far it'll get you; but do not be obnoxiously persistent. If you ask a girl out and she says no, ACCEPT IT. Don't run around after her and keep asking her. Even if she finally says yes, It'll be because she is sick of you asking, not because she likes you!
  • Body Odor is really unattractive. Good personal hygiene is the first step to good social interaction. Shower daily, brush your teeth and wash your clothes regularly. Wear a good smelling cologne, not something too overpowering. (Don't put on too much.)
  • Most girls (and probably boys) are looking for someone who makes them feel safe and secure. Not financially but emotionally. Realize that everyone freaks out from time to time and be prepared with these words: "It's okay. Everything is going to be just fine". Many times, that's all it takes to smooth over a rough patch. Oh, and hug them, a lot.
  • If you do ask friends to help you, make sure they take it seriously and not just walk up to the girl and ask her out for you. That makes her think you're a coward and that is never good.
  • Don't feel that you have to become a different person for people to like you; become a better version of who you are.
  • You need to demonstrate your confidence. Have good posture, make eye contact and smile. Do not stare at your feet while walking, or put your hands in your back pockets! It makes you look isolated and meek.
  • Learn about the things she is interested in. This is a great way to impress a girl, and you may be surprised by what you learn. For example, if she likes fashion, read up on a couple of her favorite designers. She will be impressed by how open-minded you are, and, -bonus- you have just increased your knowledge on the role that clothing played in our socio-economic history!
  • There are a few girls who will randomly introduce themselves to you and ask questions about the shirt you got at the Model UN conference. That is not the time to ask them to help you remove the boxers you got at another one (and yes, such boxers exist).
  • If you're trying to get someone who isn't nerdy, it's best to not mention nerdy things. Try to talk about something you both enjoy and can relate to, like sports, teachers, bands, social gatherings, politics etc. - and as with all potential mates, tread the subject of politics with caution and be aware that certain political differences will instantly deem you incompatible. But don't lie about who you are. You can try to delve briefly into nerdy topics such as Star Wars, quantum physics, anime, manga, comic book, fantasy novels, sci-fi, the paranormal, computers, internet memes, gaming, etc-- but be prepared to change the subject if the only person isn't into it.
  • If a girl who you find attractive, but you never really thought of as a "nerd-lover" comes up and starts chatting to you while you're alone or away from her friends then she probably likes you. Otherwise, she wouldn't bother talking at all. She's probably too embarrassed to ask you out in front of her friends, because they don't like you the way she does. Eventually, if all goes well you won't mind who knows that you have something special together!
  • When choosing fashion and styles, you must consider what looks good on you. Rely on someone else's opinion other than yours. Some styles will not look right on you because of your age, ethnicity, or body type. Don't be fooled by what looks good on celebrities or fictional characters. They have the luxury of looking cool no matter what they're wearing. It is well and good to undertake steps to improve your body such as losing excessive weight or working out to build up a scrawny physique. But for the most part, you must accept those things about your body you can't change. You should wear sport clothing and styles that look good on the body you have, not the body you wish you had.


  • Be careful of being manipulated. Sometimes people seek out nerds because of their supposed technical prowess or intelligence. If you find that someone is talking to you only when they are in need of help (computer, homework, etc.) and won't give you the time of day otherwise, chances are they're just using you.
  • Sometimes women seek out nerds because they are under the mistaken notion that nerds are more "stable", "less likely to cheat", or "more mature". If that doesn't describe you, make sure you disillusion them before they get sucked into the relationship any further. AND the disillusionment should be about your stability and maturity not the likelihood of you cheating. If you are likely to cheat on someone then you should NOT go out with them at all because it proves that you do not really like them at all. Be straight up, date girls who don't want to settle down either, look for the sort who prefer an open relationship and don't lie about it. This is far saner and provides just as much variety. They do exist.
  • Don't let girls treat you like a doormat. If a girl tries to step all over you, show her the door. AKA whipped! Don't be a pushover, show some assertiveness. Don't show aggressiveness though because you might scare her away or she might get the wrong idea about you. Some girls like a guy who can take control but no girl likes a guy that tells her what to do EVER.
  • Seriously consider taking the time to find geeky girls who share your passion if you get that bored with most things outside it. They do exist and your life will be a lot richer with someone who shares real common interests with you. A good, effective choice is to look for comparable geek hobbies - the Renfaire girl who's always making new medieval costumes, belongs to the SCA, likes to create medieval meals from scratch and calls herself a belly dancing wench is likely to understand why you're a Klingon from the gut - and she may well wear your costumes and take up interest in your events if you will put on a doublet and learn to swish a sword as well as a battle. Similar interests need not be identical, a Stargate and Star Trek fan pairing can work very well. Be aware, however, that there can be different areas of interest in different hobbies. For example, even if you're both anime fans, then there are no guarantees if she likes yuri and you like mecha. The real common denominator is costumes, memorabilia, in-jokes, cohesive subcultures and lots of colorful events to dress up, play games and show off at.
  • Avoid going into detail about last night's Battlestar Galactica or that last issue of Whedon's Astonishing X-men that you find so amazing -- unless she does something to indicate that she's really into those things as well.
  • Although you might be lucky enough to encounter a girl who shares your general interests, be aware that your subgenres may not mesh. You may both like anime, but she may prefer Love Hina, Kanon, or Kare Kano over your Gundam, Votoms, or Macross. Both of you may like science fiction, for instance. However, while you enjoy big space battles and slam-bang action adventure, she may prefer character drama that focuses on character psychology, relationships, sociological themes, and such. You might find these things boring, but, consider the fact that spaceships, technobabble, and ray guns have dominated science-fiction for quite a long time. Also, for a considerable time, there has been a lack of strong female character representation (other than clones of Princess Leia or Uhura) with women mostly acting as love interests to male heroes. Until recently, it has been assumed that women will watch a show with a male lead, but men may not watch a show with a female lead, and genre shows have been written accordingly. This has kept female fans in limited numbers until recently. Due to a more outspoken and numerous female fanbase, we are seeing many more genre examples with female leads. Science fiction is evolving and so should your ways of appreciating of the genre.
  • Be aware that a significant portion of females who claim they do like geeks (or are attracted to them) may actually be attracted to an idealized mythical image of what they think geeks and nerds are (or ought to be). This is also known as the the so-called "Hollywood Geek". This idealization often comes from charismatic fictional characters (such as recent incarnations of Doctor Who as portrayed by David Tennant and Matt Smith) who are typically much more handsome, funny, outgoing, colorful, and charmingly quirky than your average real-life nerd or geek. There is the possibility that these women may be disappointed and quickly lose interest when you fail to live up to their fantasy image.
    • On a related note, If you are looking for a geek girl, understand that the idealized "quirky but still hot" geek girl image, as popularized by actresses such as Zooey Deschanel, is also very much a Hollywoodized mythical contrivance. At the end of the day, she is just an actress playing a role.
    • The "hot gamer girl" image that Olivia Munn popularized is essentially little more than a commercial "sex sells" gimmick while at the same time increasing sales and revenue by attempting to tap into the potential female demographic. The same could be said for the current phenomenon of convention "booth babes". The reality is not to say there are no attractive females who like gaming. But it is highly probable that they will be looking at certain other types of games before they look at something like Homeworld, Myst, Star Fleet Command, or Gratuitous Space Battles.

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