How to Be More Confident

Four Methods:Identifying ChallengesBecoming More ConfidentAsserting YourselfDemonstrating Confidence in Social Situations

Confidence is important for positive social interactions, performing well in school, and advancing your career. If you lack confidence, you may benefit from learning to become more confident. You can build your confidence by understanding the social situations that make you feel less confident, using strategies to feel better about yourself, learning to assert yourself in social situations, and maintaining a positive attitude. Keep reading to learn more about how to be confident.

Method 1
Identifying Challenges

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    Build awareness of your negative thoughts and beliefs. In order to be more confident, you will have to address some of your negative thoughts and beliefs. Keep a journal handy so that you can write down any negative thoughts and beliefs that enter your head throughout the day. Then, look over what you have written and try to determine where the thought or belief is coming from. What situations or people might be causing you to have these types of thoughts and beliefs?[1]
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    Identify situations that affect your confidence. Many people have triggers that affect their confidence in negative ways. Try to identify the situations and places that seem to have a negative effect on how you feel about yourself. Being aware of these situations may help you to better address the way that they make you feel.[2]
    • For example, you may notice you’re your confidence takes a blow when you go to the gym. Try to think about what it is about this situation that makes you self-conscious and make adjustments to help improve your self-confidence. Would you feel better if you wore different clothes? Used a different machine? Or went to the gym during a time when it is less crowded?
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    Determine if other people may be contributing to your confidence levels. Criticism from a friend or family member can also have a negative effect on your confidence. If you think that a friend or family member may be affecting your ability to be confident, you will need to find a way to deal with that person.
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    Consider your lifestyle. Exercising, eating well, and getting plenty of rest can all have an impact on how you feel about yourself. If you do not take good care of yourself, your mind may be getting the idea that you do not value yourself. Send positive signals to your mind by taking care of your physical needs and staying healthy.[3]
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    Consider your environment. Having a pleasing environment can help to make people feel more confident. If your home is not clean and inviting, it may be affecting the way that you feel about yourself. Do your best to keep your home (or at least your room) clean and inviting. Place meaningful objects around to help make it feel special and inviting.[4]

Method 2
Becoming More Confident

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    Use positive self-talk. Positive daily affirmations can help you to be more confident. Take a few moments before you go to work or school to look at yourself in the mirror and say something encouraging to yourself. You can either say something that you believe about yourself or something that you would like to believe about yourself.[5] Some examples of positive affirmations include:
    • “I am an intelligent person.”
    • “I am a good father.”
    • “I have accomplished many important things in my life.”
    • “People enjoy spending time with me.”
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    Acknowledge and challenge your negative thoughts. Negative thoughts are common in all people, but they may be even more common if you lack confidence. It is important to acknowledge and challenge any negative thoughts that you have in order to be confident. Practice acknowledging the thought and then saying what you do not accept it.[6]
    • For example, if you have the thought, “I am stupid,” acknowledge that it is just a thought by saying to yourself, “I am having the thought that I am stupid.” Then, challenge the thought by replacing it with something positive like, “I am an intelligent person.”
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    Visualize yourself being confident. Visualization is a powerful tool that can help you to be more confident. To use visualization, close your eyes and imagine a time when you succeeded at something or when you felt especially confident. Try to remember every detail of that moment, where you were, who was there, what was said, and how you felt. Replay this moment over in your head once a day to help build yourself-confidence.[7]
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    Write confidence boosting notes to yourself. Little reminders placed all around your house may also help you to be more confident. Write positive messages to yourself on sticky notes and post them all around your house, in your drawers at work, or in your locker at school. The more you see these positive messages about yourself, the more you will start to believe them.[8]
    • Some things you might write on the sticky notes include, “You are brilliant!” “You have the best ideas!” or “You’re doing a great job!” Use your imagination to come up with encouraging messages to leave for yourself.
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    Surround yourself with positive people. Other people can also have a big impact on your confidence levels. If you have a friend who often criticizes you or who has a negative attitude, it may be time for a change. You can also try talking to your friends about their negative comments to try to get them to stop saying things that damage your confidence.[9]
    • Keep in mind that you cannot change the way that people are. You can only change the way that you respond to people. Try to stay positive even if the people around you are negative.
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    Take good care of yourself. Exercise, healthy food, rest, and relaxation are all important components in good self-confidence. By taking good care of yourself, you are sending your mind signals that you deserve to be taken care of. Make sure that you are devoting enough time to meeting your basic needs for exercise, food, sleep, and relaxation.[10]
    • Aim for 30 minutes of exercise per day.
    • Eat a balanced diet of healthy whole foods like fruit, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins.
    • Get 8 hours of sleep per night.
    • Set aside at least 15 minutes per day to practice yoga, do deep breathing exercises, or meditate.

Method 3
Asserting Yourself

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    Understand the importance of asserting yourself. Standing up for yourself or simply speaking up when you have something to add to a conversation shows that you are confident. If you lack confidence, you might find it hard to be assertive. By building up your assertiveness, you will also feel more confident and others will be more likely to perceive you as a confident person.[11]
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    Acknowledge your rights. Part of being assertive is believing that you have a voice that deserves to be heard. Think about the reasons why people should hear, believe, and respect what you have to say. Try keeping a diary to record your thoughts and feelings about failing to assert yourself. Consider the ways that not asserting yourself might be holding you back in your social, academic, and professional life.[12]
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    Identify situations where you need to be more assertive. If you have a hard time asserting yourself, there may be situations that make asserting yourself even harder. Think about what those situations are and why they make it so hard to speak up or stand up for yourself. Write about the situation and what you would like to change in the future.[13]
    • Describe the situation and people involved. Where and with whom do you have trouble asserting yourself?
    • Describe how it makes you feel. How does it make you feel when you cannot or do not assert yourself?
    • Describe what you would like to change. What would you like to change about the way that you react in these situations?
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    Practice asserting yourself. Before you begin asserting yourself in situations that are challenging for you, take some time to practice asserting yourself. You can practice by yourself or with a supportive friend. Start by role-playing some simple situations where you must assert yourself and then move on to more difficult situations. One way that you can assert yourself is to repeat a statement over and over again in a calm, even tone.[14]
    • For example, imagine you have a friend who keep demanding that you to go to a party with her on a weeknight and you do not want to go because you are tired and not feeling well. You could simply say to her, “I do not want to go to the party. I want to stay home and rest.”
    • Remember to speak in a calm voice. Don’t yell or get angry. Just repeat the statement each time she tries to get you to agree to go to the party.
    • Keep in mind that role playing will not be the same as real life situations. Try to incorporate all kinds of reactions into your role-playing to make sure that you are prepared for almost any reaction.
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    Assert yourself in real life. After you have practiced asserting yourself and you feel more confident in your abilities to speak up and stand up for yourself, you can try asserting yourself in real life. Just like in role-play, you may want to start small to build up your confidence for more difficult social situations.[15]
    • Try asserting yourself in little ways at first, such as by contributing your opinion to a conversation or speaking up during a meeting.
    • As you become more confident, you can try asserting yourself in more difficult situations, such as to contradict someone or to say no to a pushy friend or coworker.

Method 4
Demonstrating Confidence in Social Situations

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    Learn to take a compliment. Compliments ease tension between two people and help make their interactions more positive.[16] If you are not very confident, you might find it difficult to take compliments from people. Maybe you become uncomfortable or reject the compliments outright. In order to become more confident, you need to learn how to accept a compliment gracefully. The next time someone pays you a compliment, resist the urge to reject it and just thank them for the kind words.
    • For example, you can respond to a compliment by simply saying, “Thank you. I appreciate that.” Or even a simple, yet enthusiastic, “Thanks!” will do.
    • Make sure that you learn how to compliment others as well. Complimenting others will help take the attention off of yourself, which may help you to be more confident. Your ability to pay genuine compliments to others will also help to demonstrate your confidence.
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    Accept that you cannot change other people. Sometime people lack confidence because they rely too much on how other people react to them. In order to be more confident, you will have to accept that you cannot change other people and you cannot do anything about their reactions to you. All that you can control is yourself. Work on becoming more accepting of other people as they are. Avoid lecturing others on their faults or trying to get other people to change.[17]
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    Learn to stay positive. Part of being confident is projecting a positive attitude, even if other people try to bring you down. Remember that you are in control of you future, your goals, and your own happiness. If people try to damage your confidence, remind yourself of your accomplishments and admirable traits. Keep the glass half full![18]
    • Try smiling or laughing, even if you don’t feel like it. Research has shown that even forced smiling and laughing can help you to feel more optimistic and confident.[19]
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    Remain calm. Staying calm in a difficult situation is not always easy, but remaining calm when a problem arises will help you to be more confident and will demonstrate to others that you are a confident person. Try taking a few deep breaths when you become overwhelmed, stressed, angry, or upset. As you breathe, count slowly to ten and then attend to the problem.[20]< br>


  • Consider talking with a mental health professional if you have severe social anxiety, very low confidence, or you cannot seem to assert yourself despite practicing. A therapist may be able to help you work through some of these issues.


  • If you have a friend or coworker who constantly puts you down and this has contributed to your confidence levels, consider talking to a teacher or your human resources representative about it. Do not allow yourself to be bullied.

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Categories: Building and Maintaining Self Confidence