How to Be Happy About Being Unpopular

Are you tired of being one of the people who wants to fit in so badly? Sick of being an unpopular kid, you tried to fit in with the popular crowd, and it didn't work. And that was that, or was it? Being unpopular does not mean you are unlikeable or unable to establish friendships. In fact, many of the most "unpopular" kids form the fastest, strongest, and longest friendships with other so-called unpopular kids.


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    Understand that not all popular people in school go on to be successful adults. People who reach their "peak of popularity" in high school, or talk about high school being the best part of their lives, sometimes have a steep fall when high school ends (they go nowhere).
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    Look around you at those popular people. Would you really want to be friends with those people? Do you really like what they stand for? How they treat others, and how they make others feel? Would you enjoy doing what they do, all the standard popular stuff, or would you prefer to have a little more depth and variety in your life?
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    Compare them to your real friends, who might not be the most popular kids in school, but who wouldn't talk about you behind your back just to be more popular. Value your friends by how much they add to your quality of life rather than how popular they are.
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    Remind yourself that being popular does not guarantee good grades, honest friendships, or people who would care about your well being, or your needs.
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    Realize that by being happy with yourself, your looks, your grades, your compassion and your sense of humor, makes you a better person and will help you make a better life for yourself in the future.
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    Improve your social skills for the right reasons. Usually, the cause of being "unpopular" is simply social ineptitude. Increasing your social skills will help you in all aspects of life.
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    Read Charles Bukowski. He's the loner that never got lonely, a great writer, and is the most demanded author in prisons, probably one of the loneliest places created by man.
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    Understand that being popular really has no importance. Sure you may go to "cool parties," but most likely those parties are full of drunks who are getting too drunk to escape the fact that they feel alone... and unpopular. You are stronger than that and you are at least facing the harshness of the facts and aim to deal with things positively.
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    Strive to enjoy friendships rather than be popular. There really is no such thing as popularity. Kids that you think are popular just have a group of friends like you have a group of friends. Stick with your group of friends because to them you are popular.
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    Also remember that if you're not the most popular kid, it's okay because maybe being popular isn't for you, maybe you have a specific reason to not get along with somebody. Sometimes when people are popular they get stabbed in the back by a million people, but when you stick to friends that you completely trust it's less likely you'll get stabbed in the back.


  • The "popular" people can spend so much time on their social life that they can't really do well at anything else. They often feel so insecure that they have to "be popular" to feel secure.
  • Understand the difference between "being popular" and "having many friends". "Being popular" means you fit into a certain clique (the popular one) and act "compatible" with this clique, whereas "having a lot of friends" means you have mutual relationships with people which improve the quality of your life and their lives.
  • A lot of the time the "popular kids" have things going on at home they want to fell secure in a someway so they try to be popular! Just remember high school only goes for 4 years and after that you are in the real world!
  • Identify people who are "less popular" than you. Help them to become more popular by befriending them. Suggest ways that you observe could improve their social skills, and ask them how you might improve. This will help by causing you to be more aware of your social skill level.
  • Focus on your academics. Looking for popularity is not worth it. Sometimes focusing more on your popularity can be dangerous. You could get into the wrong crowd and then your academics could go down hill from there.


  • Most popular people will not be able to keep it up for the rest of their life. After they leave school that's it. The real world isn't like school. Nobody cares what one person is doing. Everyone has their own life and their own friends.
  • Some popular people have sacrificed a lot in order to be popular; they are insecure and need to believe that popularity equals happiness and that others look up to them. If you flaunt your independent confidence, they may lash out at you, call you jealous or a freak, or even get their friends to gang up on you and try to make your life miserable. Just walk away with a smile, remembering that they are the miserable ones.

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Categories: Assertiveness & Self Esteem | Happiness & Optimism