How to Be Better Than Your Enemy

Forgiveness and acceptance are the keys to being better than your enemy. Even using the word "enemy" is problematic and if you continue to see life in this black and white context, you will be the one who ends up suffering, not your so-called "enemies".


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    Stop keeping tabs of your enemy's achievements and your belittlement's. If you continue to think of yourself as hard done by a relation to your enemy, you effectively give that person power over you to ruin your day. You make that person into something they are not - your keeper, your guiding point and your unwanted mentor. If you stop using this person as the yardstick of your life, things will suddenly become a lot easier for you.
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    Stop referring to the other person as an enemy. So, they don't like you or you feel that they showed you up in some way. It doesn't make things better by calling them an enemy. As life goes on, you will continue to meet people you don't much like but you have to learn to get along with them for the sake of harmonious relations as a whole. Why not start learning now while you are young? Or even if you are old and haven't yet learned this lesson, there is no time like the present. Labels are a way of getting and ceding power. If you label this person as an "enemy", you give them power over you as you perceive yourself the "victim" in the relationship between the two of you.
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    Turn the other cheek. Whether or not you follow Christian teachings, this is as good a piece of advice as anything. You provide them with ammunition if you call them names, either to their face or behind their back. And you are the one who is festering while they party; that is no way to live!
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    Live your life. Do not allow this person to discourage you from doing the things you want to do. If this person goes somewhere that you want to go but you feel that you cannot because they are there, go anyway. Sit or stand in a different place from them, be civil and simply nod if you bump into them, and refuse to let their presence ruin your occasion. If anything, if this person dislikes you, your being there is a source of consternation in itself to them and that is enough to provide an equalizing in your relations.
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    Look to yourself. What do you need to do better to feel better about yourself? If someone bothers you so much that you feel you need to label them as an "enemy", maybe you are jealous of them or you feel insecure around them. The answer is not to belittle them; it is to find the source of why you feel this way and to seek a solution. If you feel they are prettier than you, it is time to start grooming yourself with greater attention. A well-groomed person is as beautiful as someone born with great looks. And always remember that what is on the inside matters more to people than superficial looks. There are other ways to improve your self-esteem too - learn more, practice more, read more, sing more, dance more, play sports more, do anything that you want to be better at - more.
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    Be nice. No matter how rudely the other person treats you, don't return the volley. Remain polite, courteous and curious. Curiosity in what motivates them. When you try to stand in the other person's shoes, interesting things start to reveal themselves, such as how much of a burden that popularity or beauty just may be...
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    Forgive them and accept who you both are. Forgiveness for things done lets you move on and be the stronger person. This means that if you must see it as a confrontation, you "win" in the long run by having peace of mind and intact personal integrity. Accept that both of you are valuable parts of life on this planet and be in awe that you have been given this chance to live a wonderful life.


  • It doesn't matter what this person thinks, nor what anyone else thinks. So if your so-called enemy thinks your change of heart is "stupid" and continues to consider YOU an enemy, let her. Just don't give her anything bad to say about you; being kind in all situations is essential. That way, when she goes to needle you about something, she'll be speechless- because you've done nothing to hurt her.
  • Remember, life goes on and holding grudges isn't always the best idea. Think of yourself as the better person in this situation.

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Categories: Managing Conflict and Difficult Interactions