How to Be Aloof

Four Methods:Maintain a Calm ExteriorAlways Be Confident Be MysteriousBe Respectful

Have you ever wanted to have a quiet, cool confidence that draws people in? If so, read on.

Method 1
Maintain a Calm Exterior

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    Avoid unnecessary drama. Steer clear of anything that's not your business. This will ensure that you won't get caught up in others' emotional turmoil. That's extremely detrimental to maintaining an aloof demeanor. State boldly, if you have to, that you won't get caught up in xyz. People may be surprised -- even angry at times -- but they will respect your unwillingness to take sides in a conflict you care nothing about.
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    Be serene. Don't let anything ruffle your feathers. Always be prepared for anything that comes your way. This tranquility will permeate your mannerisms and translate "cool" to the general public. It signals to others that you have a certain detachment which allows you to weave in and out of life's tangled webs without losing your vital cool.
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    Don't show your pain. Who cares about what everyone supposedly heard or what rumors are going around or what people saw with their own eyes? If you want to be aloof, you must handle pain with as much dignity and grace as possible. If you're going to fall apart, do it in the privacy of your own home. Don't have a breakdown in public.

Method 2
Always Be Confident

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    Believe in yourself., But always remember that arrogance will make people hate you. A quiet confidence (humble, yet proud of yourself) will endear people to you. Imagine a scale of 0 to 10, 0 being downtrodden and 10 being cocky arrogance. A 5, smack in the middle, is a safe bet. But even then, don't be shy about projecting toward a 7 or 8 to keep people from taking you for granted.
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    Smile at random times. Smiling is a great mood enhancer. You'll feel better and everyone around you will feel better too. It's also a great way to show the world that you are good natured and indefatigable. A smile tells people that nothing can get you down.

Method 3
Be Mysterious

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    Keep people in the dark. Nobody needs to know what you're up to, where you're going, or what time you'll show up at a party. You don't have to be sneaky. Simply keep your business to yourself, and keep your body language relatively reserved.
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    Don't talk a lot. Remember: less is more. Answer questions that people ask, but don't volunteer anything more. Don't speak when you have nothing to say. And don't fill space when there's a lull in conversation. Let a nod suffice. When you do speak in greater detail, you'll find that people are more apt to listen than if you were to go shooting your mouth off like there's no tomorrow.
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    Be enigmatic. If you're hard to figure out, you'll seem more interesting. By all means, be open, empathize and be generous around your close friends. But maintain a cloak of mystery around casual acquaintances.

Method 4
Be Respectful

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    Always treat others with respect. You can be kind, empathetic and aloof at the same time. Don't make fun of anyone else's style, speech, culture, or whatever. Treat other as equals and you'll gain the respect of everyone you meet.


  • Always be who you truly are. This ensures that your aloofness is as native to your character as possible and doesn't come off as forced or contrived.
  • Accept that sometimes you won't be aloof. Learn from these mistakes.


  • Don't ignore people you don't like. Treat them coldly, answer their questions politely, but let them know subtly that you don't like them without stooping to rudeness.
  • Never be petty. This can bring you from "aloof" to "jerk" in a heartbeat.

Article Info

Categories: Language Nuances