How to Be a Good Big Sister

Three Parts:Creating a Good ExampleCreating a Good RelationshipGoing Above and Beyond

If you've got younger siblings, you'll want to do your best to make sure that they are happy and lead good lives, because you love them and you're a great big sister! But if you're unsure on what to do, or if you're looking for some ways to improve your relationship with your siblings, read this article for some helpful hints and tips.

Part 1
Creating a Good Example

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    Show respect to everyone. Being respectful is a very important skill for people to have, in order to get along well with others and succeed in this world. If you want your siblings to have an easier time in life, set a good example by being respectful to them, your parents, friends, acquaintances, strangers, and even yourself!
    • Don't talk back or be rude to your parents or teachers, not even people you don't like at school!
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    Model responsible behavior. Responsibility is also a very important life skill. Avoid things like drugs or alcohol. Instead, do things like getting good grades in school and helping out around the house. You can even get a job to earn your own money, to show your siblings that you can get what you want if you work hard. Responsibility means being responsible for your actions, and apologizing if you are wrong or do something wrong. Don't blame other people for your choices and your actions.
    • However, stay humble about all of these things. Never lord it over your siblings or your parents. Let responsibility be its own reward.
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    Don't say bad things. Speaking well is usually a sign of a good education and intelligence, so you want your siblings to be able to talk like reasonable adults. Do this by not teaching them lots of bad words and instead by speaking with a good vocabulary and the best grammar that you can manage.
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    Be peaceful in your actions. Kids who learn that violence is cool or a good way to solve problems will have a lot of just that in life: problems. Don't let your siblings see you being violent, either to them or to anyone else. Instead, solve your problems by talking them through.
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    Be proud of who you are. Teach your siblings to love and respect themselves for who they are by always setting a good example and doing the same. Take good care of yourself, never get too down on yourself, and always work to make yourself a better human being. Pursue what you love and ignore the haters.
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    Do the right thing. Always do the right thing, even when it's hard to do. Protect those who can't protect themselves and teach your siblings that it's worth it to stick up for the little guy. You should also apologize or admit when you've done something wrong. Teaching your sibling to always do the right thing by setting a good example will make both of you better human beings.
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    Don't patronize or talk down to your siblings. This sets a bad example by teaching your sibling that it's okay to talk to or treat people like that. Also, if you do that, they won't respect or appreciate you, and lack of respect will inevitably lead to arguments. Treat them like equals because they are your equals.

Part 2
Creating a Good Relationship

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    Hang out with your siblings. It doesn't matter how you go about it, but if you want to start having a better relationship with your siblings then you're going to want to spend more time with them. Find ways to play with them or just hang out. Do whatever you enjoy doing together.
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    Boost their self-esteem. Your siblings will have a much happier life and they will love you a lot more if you help them to love themselves and feel confident. Do this by complimenting them when they've earned it and focusing on their triumphs instead of their mistakes.
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    Create a space of trust. Your siblings should be able to trust you, so that they can come to you when they have problems that they might not be able to discuss with your parents. Create a space of trust by not only letting them know that they can talk to you, but also by never laughing at them when they tell you something serious, never judging them.
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    Celebrate who they are. Be happy that they are who they are, instead of trying to make them more like you. Appreciate the hard work they put into the things that they love and try to join them every now and again in enjoying those things.
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    See things from their side. Arguments happen and you will get mad at each other sometimes. However, if you stop and try to see things from their point of view, you might find it easier to stop fighting. People usually do something wrong because they thought they were doing something right or they were trying. Understand that you make the same mistakes and you'll have a much better relationship with your siblings.
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    Help them when they ask for it. If your siblings ask you for help with anything in their life (as long as they aren't hurting themselves) do whatever you can to help them. It may be something small or it could be something large: nothing's too much for you! However, if they don't want help, you should respect their wish and stand aside. Sometimes people have to do things for themselves, and it's better for you to respect them.
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    Encourage them in life. You should encourage your siblings to look for more out of life: reach for the stars and pursue the things that make them happy. They will be happier people over the course of their life if they're doing things they love. This means that you shouldn't tease them for enjoying something. Instead, try to help them find time to do that thing and even join in sometimes, so they don't feel alone.
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    Protect your siblings. Whether they are getting bullied or hanging out with people who lead them down the wrong path, you should help to keep your siblings away from things that get them into trouble. Stand up for them when you can and try to steer them away from bad crowds by letting them hang out with you and your friends or by finding them a new place to hang out.
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    Always make them feel wanted or useful. It can feel terrible to feel unwanted, especially by a sibling you really love or admire. Make sure your sibling never feels this way by finding ways to include them in your life. If you are trying to do your homework and your sibling is bothering you, first kindly ask her give you some alone time. There are times when your younger sister doesn't realize she is bothering you.
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    Be a sister, not a mom. Don't try to be a parent to your younger siblings; your parents are always there for that, or other authority figures if your parents aren't around. You should watch over your siblings, but treat them more like friends. This will create an easier, healthier relationship.

Part 3
Going Above and Beyond

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    Make them feel better. Whether your sibling needs a hug and some advice or just a silent shoulder to cry on, you should be there for them, bringing comfort whenever they need it. Make sure they know they can come to you, and watch for their moods and notice when they're sad.
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    Do something nice. It's fun to give your sibling a hard time but from time to time you should do really nice things for them. You'll find all sorts of little ways to help out in a given day, but you can also seek out nice things to do for them, like fixing a broken toy, doing their chores, or mowing their lawn (if you're older).
    • Never hold it over their head that you did something nice for them. This makes the nice act selfish, because it becomes about you rather than them.
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    Give them compliments. Make them feel good about themselves by complimenting them when they've earned it or you just feel like saying something nice to them. This can mean a lot, especially if you have a rough relationship and fight sometimes. It shows them that you do really love them and can find good things about them, even if you complain a lot.
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    Get good gifts. When it's a holiday or your sibling's birthday, don't just get them something boring that could be for anyone; get them a gift that is perfect for them, even if it doesn't cost very much money. Get them something that reminds you of a great time you had together in the past or things that you enjoy doing together. This will show them how much you care.
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    Share with your siblings. Now is not the time to be selfish: you and your siblings should share whatever you can, whether it's the tasty part of dinner, a favorite computer game, or family heirlooms. Be generous with each other, because if you can't be generous with your siblings then who will you be generous with?
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    Keep in contact. If you and your siblings live far apart, either because you're in different homes or because you're older and have moved apart, you should make sure to stay in touch. They still need all of the wonderful things that you have provided for them in the past and nothing can replace as big sister who is always there for you and loves you. Call them when you can, write "letters" over facebook or email, and visit them whenever you can.


  • Do activities with her. Do things that she likes.
  • Remember, she will mimic what you do, so don't be a bad influence on her!
  • Understand that they are younger than you, when they mimic your behaviors it's because they look up to you and they want to be like you.
  • Do little things for her that show you care. When she gets back from practice, don't totally ignore her; say hello with a smile and ask how practice was today. Being a cold, indifferent rock will not help your relationship any more than being temperamental will.
  • Offer help, and tell them that if they want to talk about anything to come to you.
  • If there's something that's limited, like if there's only one cookie, let your sibling have it, or at least offer to split it and give her the bigger half if there is one. It will not be the last time and they will remember that you did that for them.
  • Make her laugh. She'll know that you're fun and start to love you even more and your relationship with each other will grow more like a friendship bond.
  • Don't turn spending time with them into an excuse to boss them around. They will resent it, and it will hurt the relationship. Even if she is years younger than you, you should treat her as a person with equal feelings, because she is.
  • If you do lash out on your sister apologize and do something to take their mind off it, they will always forgive and forget it but remember to stay calm next time
  • Give them the unconditional love you have.
  • Treat your sister's friends with respect.
  • Offer to go get ice cream, or snow cones sometime.
  • Remember that it is fine to spend time with your other friends, and to let your sister have fun with hers as well!
  • Have fun secrets together and treat them like your best friend.
  • You can correct her but in a gentle way.
  • Always listen to your sisters and don't make them feel left out.
  • Don't curse at younger siblings, set a good example.
  • Remember to think of them as if they are your shadow so remember not to leave them out and even if your a teen allow them to. feel as if you are close to age so they eventually will become more mature since they think your closer together in "age".
  • Keep all your promises to them. They need to know that they can rely on you and look up to you.
  • When you are mad at him or her take some time alone and then talk it over.
  • As an elder sister,take care of your younger sister. If she is scared in the night, let her sleep on your bed.
  • A way of spending time with your sister is by inviting her to sleep in your room, like a sister sleepover, and share the bed, or give her the bed and sleep on the floor. Always bond with her.
  • Be truthful because lying is hard to forget about and you may never be able to build your trust up fully again.
  • When you do your chores let your younger sibling watch you and after a few times she could help you or even do it herself. It's okay if she gets in the way the first few times-she's young and still learning. Remember your doing it for her. (Don't do this if she has her own chores to do).
  • Respect your younger sister.
  • Don't ask to play a game that you don't like or she might want to keep on playing and you could get bored.
  • Don't ever yell at them. Sure, sometimes you may wanna rip your hair out, but hurting them verbally won't help the bond of trust between you too. If anything, it will make your younger sister feel scared of you.
  • Play and spend time with them. Cherish what you have because other people don't have it, and if they ask you to play video games with them, say yes to show that you want to spend more time together and that you are bonding.
  • Always remember to tell your sister you love her.


  • Never be patronising, even if you're trying to be kind. There's nothing younger siblings hate more.
  • Be helpful. When she needs your help, seize the opportunity to be a good role model, help her and never put her down for not being able to do it alone. Never ignore a request for help, even when you don't think she really needs it, you wouldn't want someone to do that for you, would you?
  • Accept her. If she likes a type of music that you don't like, that doesn't mean that you can't both jump around and dance to it in her bedroom.

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Categories: Improving Sibling Relationships