How to Approach an Angry Girlfriend

You’ve just arrived back to your flat after a night out on the town. You know what to expect and can already feel tension brewing through the thin walls separating you from your impending fate. You told her you’d be back by half past eight, but it’s verging on midnight and your phone is flashing with 9 missed calls. You turn the key in the lock with trepidation and squeak through door to see a shadowy figure sat upon the sofa. It would be advisable to follow these steps on how to approach this creature, and hopefully, through a series of persuasive techniques, you can avoid the threat of a vicious attack.


  1. Image titled Approach an Angry Girlfriend Step 1
    Assess the female. If you are able to get a substantial view of her, you can place the female on a danger scale of ‘moderately annoyed’ to ‘get out of there now’. You can often work this out from her body language, such as if she is sat anywhere near a sharp object. To counter any dominant stance she may display, assert yourself into a ‘big’ figure, standing slightly on your tiptoes if necessary to give this illusion.
  2. Image titled Approach an Angry Girlfriend Step 2
    Get her attention. If the female is safe to approach, this is where a choice of treat comes in handy. Assuming you have already picked up a packet of sweets or flowers on your way over, the best option here is to lightly shake your selected gift. If she decides at this point to take notice of you, it is optional at this point to utter an affectionate term from a list of options: Babe, Honey, Buttercup or Beautiful. Do not under any circumstances refer to her as ‘love’ or ‘sweetheart’, as these dreaded politically incorrect terms are a bright red flag that you just don’t respect her as a woman, giving you the label of a sexist pig, and women don’t dig that.
  3. Image titled Approach an Angry Girlfriend Step 3
    Allow the female to approach you once you get close enough. As she moves towards you stand your ground. If she begins to interrupt you with brief cries about the smell of whiskey protruding from your lips, or the lipstick stain smeared on your neck, cut her in her tracks with the firm command, “come here”, yet say this softly so not to offend her. Such a brief, quick command will take her off guard and increase the chances of successful soothing.
  4. Image titled Approach an Angry Girlfriend Step 4
    Information overload. Once she is within your grasp, list as much information about your evening as possible, it doesn’t matter what, information gives the impression you have nothing to hide. The exact number of drinks you had, who was there, how long it took you to walk from the driveway to the front door, etc. This will allow the female to build up an account of the evening in her head and in turn the believability of your account is increased.
  5. Image titled Approach an Angry Girlfriend Step 5
    The big L word. That big four letter word that has the power to crumble any stubborn female’s heart. The good feelings that come with this word can be used to your advantage and ultimately act as the finale to your approach to the female. If she reacts distastefully to this, give up and wait until tomorrow.


  • Before even entering the building make sure you have erased any signs of the evening that you don’t want the female to see, ensuring the anger that is already existent doesn’t increase.
  • Take the price tag off your selected gift, you don’t want the female to catch on to the fact you spent the majority of your money on food and booze.
  • If the female advances towards you with her fists clenched calmly back face forward out of the door and do not return until the next morning.
  • Discount the final step if it is not sincere; that is not a word you want to risk messing around with.


  • Don’t consistently offer her the gift if she refuses; this technique does not work on all females it is just advisable.
  • Don’t touch the female until you are completely sure that she is displaying calmer, more rational behaviour.

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Categories: Managing Conflict and Difficult Interactions